I put the movie on this afternoon after a long spell of not seeing it. And the first thing that struck me is the scene of Edward Norton at the men with testicular cancer support group. He hugs Meatloaf and finds himself crying like a baby. He says he "let go" and that night, slept for the first time in weeks. Edward Norton's character then decides to attend as many support groups as he can. Why? Not because he's "hit rock bottom" as the movie goes on to claim. No no.
Because he found a place to cry.
Now this seems so obvious to me, but this piece of info has never jumped out at me before. The fact that men cry together, are vulnerable together in the opening of this most manly of man's movies. I see this as huge now. Huge.
Maybe it's because I just finished reading Self Made Man by Norah Vincent, which really changed the way I see the meaning of feminism and the role of the traditional man. Or maybe it's some shit I'm going through in my personal life. Whatever it is, something made me see that preceding the violence in this movie and quickly swept aside is the biggest thing supposedly separating men from women - emotions. Knowing your emotions, naming them, sharing them, and learning from them.
Emotions.
Seriously, when's the last time anyone out there has seen a man cry? Or if that is too "extreme," what about a man who initiated a conversation about his feelings? Oh oh, to push it even more, has anyone heard of a man doing either of those things with a GUY friend?
I know men who cry, myself included. Maybe you are hanging out with men who don't. I think you are right, culturally it's harder for men to feel comfortable about crying, maybe in the same way that it is more difficult for women to engage in confrontation (physical or otherwise). But as we see from the conduct of our women soldiers, women certainly can be violent when appropriate, in spite of those who believe women are too emotional for the battlefield. In general, perhaps, men tend not to cry and women tend not to physically fight, but that's changing, so we want to be careful not to reinforce the sterotypes.
ReplyDeleteHey Tony. Thanks for commenting and being open about the subject. I like your attitude about what you said. I find it really hard to break those stereotypes in my mind, though I try, because the negative stereotypes are culturally reinforced more than the opposite "positive" ones. I have not been in the service, so I do not see women being violent, but that is probably the first time I've thought about that as a "positive" new image defying stereotypes...interesting. can you think of others?
ReplyDeleteI think women in competitive team sports (e.g., basketball, rugby, hockey) are breaking stereotypes. Women boxers and wrestlers are too. I'm 50 years old. When I was growing up women who played sports competitively were thought to be lesbians. I think those days are mostly gone. Obviously there are still gender roles, but they are getting stretched. It would be nice if people could just act as they wish without thinking about what is appropraite for their gender. I like this quote: “As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag.” Patti Smith (American Poet, Singer and Song Writer, b.1946)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, If I'm going to cry I usually like to do it in private, so I don't think it's that weird for guys not to cry around each other, because I can't say I cry around girls often. But I agree it does seem to be more acceptible in our society. But like Tony said, things are a changing, so in that respect, maybe this will be a thing of the past.
ReplyDeleteThat was an interesting way to view Fight Club tho and Ed Norton's character going to the support groups, I had never looked at it that way either.