The little things

My mother sends me coupons in the mail. I'm not sure what started this monthly ritual - her insistence on honing me into a thriftier shopper or the urge to pass on this time honored tradition she learned from her mother to me, her own daughter? Most likely she wanted an excuse to do something for me, to help me out in her own way. Whatever the reason, she sends them regularly and I've come to expect them.

This month's batch was in the usual cream colored envelope, only this envelope had three valentines day themed stickers on the flap. Not one was a set of puckered red lips or a cluster of those  electric colored hearts with lame sayings on them. These stickers looked vintagey and old, quaint almost. Two were the same, a cluster of red roses and one a heart with an arrow through it. Thanks Mom, I thought as I used my pointer finger to rip open the top of the envelope.There were fewer coupons than usual. I quickly scanned them, sorting them into a pile we'd most likely use and another pile of those we'd most likely not use.  Dish detergent - use. Ziploc bags - use.  No name toilet paper - don't use. As I sorted, I remembered wanting to call my mother for the past few nights and still had not managed to do so.  Glancing at the clock to check the time, I knew I wouldn't be calling her tonight either. Sensadyne toothpaste - use.  Baking yeast - use. Prepared alfredo sauce - don't use. Disposable heads for my electric toothbrush...maybe.

A while back when she and my dad came to visit us, my mom brought me a plastic bag full of coupon flyers.  When they left, I sat down at our dining table and diligently began flipping through the flyers, looking at each and every one no matter the brand or product. There were a lot of flyers and not a lot of coupons I would use. At the turn of the last page, I had under 20 coupons and a stack of leftover flyers about 4 inches high.  I sat there for a bit shuffling the pile together, thinking that every time I received an envelope in the mail, she'd looked through coupons to find those few for me. My mother, probably sitting in her favorite seat on the couch, peering over and through and squinting into her glasses, scissors at the ready. Thinking of me. Turning another page to find just one more coupon.

Now, finished sorting, I grabbed the don't use pile and the envelope in my hand to bring them to the recycling bin. I pulled open the slider and tossed them out into the nearby bin, quickly pulling the slider closed against the cold. I picked up the to use pile and slowly looked through them again. One by one. Thinking of my mother. Feeling the nebulous thread binding us together, making us mother and daughter.