These Are the Days of Our Lives

Living with regret sucks.

I try not to, but to live without regret seems impossible as most "lessons" learned or even the importance of a moment or a thing, are not known until later. 

At one point I owned every single Christopher Pike book published. Later, I thought they were taking up too much room on the one shelf they occupied and gave. them. away. No wait, I think I traded them for "money" at this used book store called Annie's Book Stop. The way the store worked was - you brought in books, there was a standard "cost" to paperbacks and hardcovers, and depending on the condition and how many were accepted, you would be handed a store credit to get more books. I brought all my Christopher Pike books here. I brought the entire Babysitters Club, Saddle Club, and Sweet Valley High series. I brought the first editions of all the Vampire Diaries series, you know, that newly syndicated show on the WB or something and has since republished the books, too. Looking on ebay, someone has the gall to sell the entire series, supposedly "first edition" for $500. Let me say that again - four books, $500. If I had mine, I would not want to sell them, it's not the money that has suddenly caused this irrational longing for these long ago books. No, I was engaged in conversation with a colleague and we started talking about how much we'd liked his books when we were young. And my mind got so excited remembering the titles, and the cheesy book covers made me laugh, as she and I scrolled through Amazon trying to find all the ones we'd read. But how was I to know at the moment I gave them away, that some day, my thirty year old self would want them? Would actually appreciate reading them again and not simply to re-enjoy them, but to re-enjoy the joy they'd given me as a pre-teen and teen. I can't or I wasn't or it's hard to be consistent and think that far ahead all the time!!!

Yet I chose to keep a My Little Pony ballet studio. A handful of stuffed animals. Yearbooks. And almost everything I've ever written or had published in any form. I might even have my favorite tap dance costumes and I definitely still pull out my first pair of high heel tap shoes.

But I gave away my books.

Some titles or authors, when and if I remember, I regret differently or maybe not at all. However, I will forever regret the decision of my adolescent self to give away Christopher Pike.