Ode to Joy

In a relationship it is really easy to get caught up on the little things your partner does or does not do that ticks you off. So often all the little surprises and happinesses get buried beneath. Sharing a space with your partner only exacerbates the potential for this to happen. Many couples who may have otherwise lived in harmony may be sharing the wrong living space, which can lead to a relationships premature demise.

I do not want to be a fool and get trapped in this way of thinking. Living with my beau has been an adventure, both fun and challenging at times. I chose to live with him and I do not want to forget that he is more than the sum collection of his living habits. He is that and so much more. And really, I've come to see when you love someone and want to understand them, that means withholding judgment and reactions (when and if possible) until you see where that 'thing' originates in the person you love. And just to stop you all from gagging now, this is what I believe and strive for, but it is not always what I am able to do in the moment. I have been mean. I have over-reacted. I have yelled. These reactions I am not proud of, especially in the aftermath of talking it out and gaining that piece of information which explains it all. Then I just feel sheepish for misunderstanding and projecting negativity onto my loved one.

In the moment, it is so much easier to be down right mean, especially to ones you love. It's like I know they love me, so I no longer have to be careful or cautious with their feelings. They are no longer fragile, to be nourished and treated tenderly. I've felt myself becoming a touch jealous on more than one occasion when I've witnessed my beau being a tad different with other people. Why them and not me? Silent stewing. I came to realize one plus side of this situation - seeing the "ugly" in a person equates to comfortability. Ugliness is a part of life too. Being nice, outgoing, friendly, cheerful, smiling, talking, IS TIRING! There are times when I've just felt the need to get mad, to yell, and sometimes my beau is the unlucky recipient of unwarranted anger. He sees ALL of me. I see ALL of him. That really is a privilege. No, he nor I should treat other callously, but I've come to see fighting, anger, and this public/private persona differently. Like tools to becoming a better couple and to better communication.

With this post, I am reminding myself of the reasons why I love my beau, the qualities he possess that make him extraordinary, and all of his habits I find endearing. These with all the tougher habits, the unexplainables, and the issues make him who I love. Maybe next time I want to rip his head off, I'll try using this perspective first and thus react differently. Who knows?


ps. yesterday I was a guest blogger over at FreeandFlawed's blog. Check it.