Delving into family secrets and revealing them on the internet has turned out to be more of a moral dilemma than I imagined. I had no qualms about putting out all the family skeletons because in part, they are mine too. Why should anyone be ashamed of the past, their family, or history? These are the stories that make me who I am too. And most of it has happened so long ago that most people any of these stories would affect are dead. Perhaps I can say all this with ease because it is not my direct experience (yet) that I am relating, and if it were my jail time or my absentee father, maybe I wouldn't be so quick to confess. I'd like to think that's not true;I have a knack for being what some would call "tactless" in saying things most people wouldn't say. Eventually when it comes to me revealing my direct secrets, or my direct family experiences, I won't hold back then either.
However, this is the dilemma - I finally called my Uncle Danny to interview him about his life and my Pepere. When I began to probe him about his time in jail, he didn't say much and asked me not to write about it. Most of you must be thinking "didn't you ask him first before typing that in a blog?" No actually, I didn't. I spoke to my mother about this project and did not think about the web of others whom I might also need to ask or inform, which leads to a more challenging dilemma than having revealed UD's jail time secret. Is this information mine to share? If I do ask people permission, how far in my family tree do I have to go? And if I encounter many NO answers, am I going to let that stop me from searching, writing and sharing the the story?
This is not a question driven out of fear of being sued or an excitement at revealing my family's secrets. No, this question is from the sincerest place in my heart that wants to record my family's history. I could do it somewhere else - in a notebook, in a word document, why a blog? Am I doing this for outside comments, not really, but I didn't think the story was something that could not be public either.
That's really tough. Maybe in time he will decide that it's ok to share. But perhaps this is something he hasn't even shared with his own family and maybe doesn't want to. Maybe if you write it out and read what you want to right to him, he could edit it with you and you guys could come to a compromise.
ReplyDeleteHey Christine -
ReplyDeletethanks for the ideas. in my favor, his family is all dead, except my mom, and regardless, they all knew. i am not deleting it or feeling guilty that I wrote it.
there is stuff I wrote that other people might not like...and what would I do then?
well, maybe you can talk to the people involved and discuss your reasons for wanting to write about it and their concerns regarding it. perhaps this will help them understand why you are doing what you are doing.
ReplyDeletegood luck
We all of skelletons. More than we would probably like to admit.
ReplyDeleteTry to imbrace them. MY gg-grandparents divorce in the society pages, Laughable! g-grandpa being arrested for beating up police officers, colorful! G-uncle being gay before it was accepted Cool!
There are bound to be just as many positive happenings in your family tree as there are "questionable" happenings.
You sound like a wonderful family historian!
Skeletons? We have quite a few, but I'm sure my family would not like me to write about it either. Is there a way you could do it without revealing their direct relationship? Maybe that wouldn't seem as sincere, but just a suggestion.
ReplyDelete