Extra Ordinary

Blog Swap Summer 2011 - summer memories...

2011-08-16T21:00:00.000-05:00

You can find me posting over at LOLASANGRIA and today, you will be reading a post from LOLASANGRIA'S writer Dominique. Enjoy!

The truth is, i can't say i'm one for the unstructured wildness we associate with the heat. it always made me a little too crazy.

what i crave is the order. newness and freshness and starting all over and the chance to keep everything together this time.

(i haven't always been good at keeping everything together)

so in august, what excites me, what always excited me - that now, i miss something fierce - is the preparation. the acquiring of new clothes that you won't wear for 3 months until the weather cools down, brand new notebooks that smell like perfect fresh paper, labeling your things and piling them away neatly.

i was never sad to see summer go.

and then a week or so before we hit the reset button yet again, my mom would tell me i should start setting my alarm so i could get used to waking up earlier - that never worked. and the nerves before day one, the sheer enormous chances presented, they always kept me up late too. it didn't matter - adrenaline always gets you through day one.

now i walk through drugstores and i see all the supplies laid out, and i know it would be silly to buy them for myself, i have no need. i contemplate taking a class of some sort, but it's a lot of money for something you're not sure of. so i think back and i miss this, this yearly chance to do it right. and i think perhaps, now, (as with so many other things), we've just got to make it for ourselves

The Only Time I am Remiss

2011-03-22T14:19:00.000-05:00

Everything about moving to Vermont has been a relief. No traffic. Less sucky drivers (who knew VTers LOVE to cut people off?) A yard. With TREES! and a POND! and 100+ acres where the only sound is that of the wind through the surrounding trees. It's like the first full day here we were purified of all dirty ol' Boston's putrescence with one sigh and inhale of fresh VT air. Well, everything is great except for one thing.

My beau is taking off for an unexpected trip tonight until next week. Getting the house to yourself is a treat! Yay!

There's just one tiny thing. If we were still living in Boston, I could call the random people I know to find someone to go out for a drink. I could call some ladies over and watch a movie. Here...it's just me. I do not usually feel lonely as most often, I relish the time I get alone since I'm so busy and surrounded by people all day. When alone time is comprised of more than 2 days, my alone time gets satisfied and then I want to stretch and fit in people. Just a few. Here and there. People with whom I like to spend time. People I shun and scorn all the rest of the time (ha! but y'all know I only shun and scorn the ones I love).

I know people here, but not anyone with whom I can just hang out or call up on short notice to come over and who... actually CAN! Most people I know here are married, pregnant, have children, are busy (that's not really new) or are set in their ways and feel less like making an effort for someone new. Oh, fortuna! Damn you your karma! Sometimes in Boston I would rue the acquaintances I had, complain of how much time I spent with people I deemed only "semi-friends." And here I am, longing for just that - semi friends. Acquaintances. The random hodge podge of people you collect over time over a shared interest, through a friend of a friend, or randomly met at the local coffee shop.

I think the nearest coffee shop is 20 minutes away...I think my friends and semi-friends are even further ....

ma mere

2011-03-20T10:22:00.001-05:00

My mom slowly eased one foot after the other down the front stairs. Often it was hard to remember she was in pain and needed knee surgery, but as she hobbled around her parked car, I remembered. My mom; short and plump, solid and loud and always so there in our lives, seemed vulnerable and small. She got to the driver's side door and looked up to smile at me. A gust of wind lifter her hair off her face and up off her shoulders. Hair blowing, a smile on her face, she gave a small wave. For a moment, there was her young self, looking careless and happy. She slipped into the driver's seat and started up the driveway. Her car disappeared up the drive then turned at the end to go up the street. I stood at the door looking up the driveway where she had left.

Blog Swap 2010 - Somethin' for everyone

2010-12-20T08:52:00.000-05:00

Hello Extra Ordinary Readers!

My name is Ashley. I met Erikka through a blind blog swap hosted by 20 Something Bloggers. She’ll be posting on my blog: A Hasty Life. After you read my post, bop on over to my blog to read her post! We’ve been asked to write about what we plan to do in 2011 that we’ve been putting off for too long. So here goes:

Don’t we all have lists of things that we want to accomplish “sometime” in our lives? I couldn’t possibly write one blog post on all the things I’ve been putting off and hope to accomplish. But the one thing I really want to do in 2011 that I’ve been thinking about and planning for some time is starting an Etsy shop. Do any of you own Etsy shops?

I just love perusing through the stores on Etsy. There is something to special and heartfelt about giving and receiving handmade things. I’ve also recently really gotten into local art so I love to see what new Etsy shops arise in my area. I think buying local and handmade are two trends that are really worth perpetuating.
Anyway, I want to become a part of this network. I’ve often thought about what I can do, what I can make that would be “Etsy-worthy.” I really wanted to create something unique and reflective of who I am. I wanted to make sure that when I started my Etsy shop that I did it right, with a product I was proud of and that I thought would sell.
Well the “ah-ha” moment finally came! I’ve come up with an idea that I love and the ball is beginning to roll. I am in the midst of creating my first few pieces to see what the public’s reaction is. My goal for 2011 is to start an Etsy shop and concentrate on promoting and building it so that it actually makes money. What bricks and mortar store makes money in their first year? Not many! Another lovely thing about Etsy!
So wish me luck as I begin this endeavor. And check back in with my blog, A Hasty Life, to see how I’m doing!
It’s been a pleasure posting for you! I look forward to seeing you around the blog world again soon!

Sincerely,

Ashley

A Hasty Life

@AHastyLife

All In A Day's Work

2010-10-04T16:07:00.000-05:00

These titles were in the same column, on the same page in a book order magazine.
How wonderful.

Haberdashery

2010-09-22T19:03:00.000-05:00

Eating at school is an unpleasant experience. I do not say this lightly as I LOVE EATING.
At this point, I wish I could not get hungry so I wouldn't have to experience the haphazard eating, the
joyless stuffing of my face, the mad dash back to the library.
On the one hand, I would love to have a relaxed lunch for a full 45 minutes. Even 30 minutes, GREAT!
Then on the other hand, I love my job, so I don't feel bad going back.
I just intensely dislike this new eating habit.
15 minutes, 20 tops.
Heating up my food, wolfing it down, barely tasting it. Feeling gross when I am done.
Such a sad sad lunch.

This is the pace of my whole day, until I hit my pillow at 9 or 9:30pm. Because even when I get home, there are dogs to walk, dishes to wash, library planning, garden chores. Luckily, the garden chore part is slowing down. And my beau has taken over cooking duties, freeing me up for about 1 hr of unwind time. Much. needed. unwind time.

Vermont is more than a new place to live. It is a lifestyle.

Holy C.A.F.O!

2010-09-03T10:09:00.000-05:00

Every day I pass by a C.A.F.O (pronounced KAY-phou).

What is a C.A.F.O? C.A.F.O stands for Contained Animal Feed Operation.

Here's my explanation - a C.A.F.O is a meat or dairy production site. However, the meat and dairy produced at C.A.F.Os is the opposite of meat or dairy any person in their right mind would want to eat if they knew where and from what conditions said meat or dairy came.

In a C.A.F.O animals are kept inside and are penned or tied or caged side by side. They stand in their poop until it is hosed out, and sometimes it's not. The animals do not walk. Sit. Lay down. Roll over. Sometimes they don't even see outside. In this particular C.A.F.O a few lucky cows get to look out at the road. And since they don't go outside, they have to do their bathroom business inside. Where they stand. Which then necessitates a Shit Sucker Upper truck to come suck out all the shit about once a week or once every other week. I know because I often get stuck behind the Shit Sucker truck leaving the farm. Being stuck behind a Shit Sucker Truck is not the ideal place to be, let me tell you.

I ride by on my bike sometimes. I watch the few cows at the open roadside area watch me as I pass. They look young, their legs splayed in that I'm-still-getting-used-to-these-four-things kind of way. Their heads turn to follow me as I glide past. I hope they take turns at the windows.

I'll Take the High Road, You take the Low Road.

2010-09-01T14:54:00.000-05:00

This past week-end, I went to a food preservation day at a nearby farm. There was a guy there who lives in a tent using a cooler for food storage. There was an older man who lives with almost no electricity. There was a woman who traveled around with her boyfriend, living in a tent. As I drove home, I realized something. A pretty lethal, alienating, and privileged thought. I don't want to live like those people.

I like my life of luxury.

Luxury doesn't mean a 75 ft yacht, silk sheets, daily spa and masseuse appointments, or many adopted children representing 53 countries. No, I mean the luxuries that middle class Americans have access to and enjoy daily. Luxuries like running water, electricity, refrigerators, freezers, meat, dairy, fish, gas stoves, warm showers, a firm mattress on my bed, a building on land that I can OWN, possessions.

Most of the time I think of myself as quite a liberal hippy. And to a point I am. But in comparison to these other people I met at this food preservation day, maybe I'm not. Because I like my comforts and I'm not willing to give them up. Even though I have these comforts and others may not...I don't want to give mine up.

Realizing that, that I am not willing to sacrifice certain things for a greater good ... was surprising. Sad too...in a sort of nostalgic way. I wanted to be, want to be one of those people who strive for equality in any way they can ... but maybe I'm not.

testing testing 1 2 3 4

2010-08-25T09:48:00.001-05:00

Hi. I am testing something. Yay!

Kids Gone Wild

2010-08-23T10:40:00.000-05:00

Just got back from a bike ride.
Passed three tractors on my way back.
Tractors almost as big as the road itself.
Driven by kids who looked 12.
No joke.
Maybe they are not 12, but you know what?
They're also not 16 or older.
Driving tractors that are AS BIG AS THE ROAD.
Tractors probably worth over $50,000.
Driven by kids.
I'm not sure if I am more 1) freaked out, 2) concerned for the kids, or 3) semi-accepting that "this is life" here.

Plus, because they were driving slow, an 18 wheeler decided to pass them coming down this hill and almost hit me. I exaggerate, but I did have to stop and pull off the road so as not to become a road pizza.

Fruit of thy Womb.

2010-08-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

Day 03 - My Parents.

Cast of Characters.

Mom, aka Diane - 58 years old. 5'4" Grey hair dyed blonde, dark brown eyes. Interests include gambling, movies, reading, dreaming, travel to new places, scrabble, cribbage, mostly any kind of board or card game, Elvis impersonators.

Dad, aka Jack - 62 years old. 5'8" Salt and pepper hair, very light hazel brown eyes. Interests include hiking, biking, fishing, frisbee, walking, pretty much anything outside, travel, NPR, jazz music, cribbage, Elvis impersonators.

Describe your parents in 3-5 words each.

Mom - loving, silly, worrisome, self-deprecating, loud/boisterous.

Dad - generous, loving, old fashioned, loud/boisterous, uncompromising.

Fondest Memory.

Oddly, about a week ago my beau and I went to NH and stayed with my folks for the week-end. It was probably the best time I've had there in a long time. Upon arrival, we all started imbibing Jameson's. My mom and I are going to Ireland in a few years, so I've got to get her gullet in shape for all things Irish, especially the whiskey. We talked, laughed, played cribbage. The next day my mom and I baked and baked. Then the family - minus the New Adams family (my eldest brother, his wife, and son) - went to play mini golf before we headed to the New Adams' house for a 7 yr old birthday party celebration. The party was followed by only the Adams - minus the half Adams family (my middle brother, his wife, Miles their dog) - at a ROARING bonfire where we talked and laughed and looked at the stars.

And not to say it is THE best or only good time, but right now this is my fondest recollection.

History.

My mom and dad met when my mom transfered to his high school, a freshman and a senior. She was friends with his sister. Never talked much, but he gave her rides to school (with his sister) in his mustang. When asked, he cannot remember even driving her to school! He graduated and went off to the army. Comes back and goes to his sister's house. By now, I think my mom had just graduated and it was her birthday. My dad recently told my beau and I these sentiments - "She had this long long hair and this brand new car. She was downing beers. I knew she was the one for me." Ha! My mom said she had a crush on him when she was a Freshmen, but not until they met later ever thought anything would come of it. My parents had a typical post-WWII sort of life with goals of marriage, kids, a house, and a big family. They didn't really have the transitional, lounging sort of teen/young adult life that I and others in this generation have had. I mean, my mom was a teen when she got married and had kids! They both came from very very Catholic families, both went to parochial schools, church on Sundays.

This is me.

2010-08-20T14:12:00.044-05:00

Day 01 - Introduction

As I tend to dislike and close down when asked widely open questions (such as "Tell me anything about yourself" or "Introduction"), this must be narrowed down to manageable size. After scouring the internet for about 3 minutes, I found a mish mash of questions (5) that I will answer to give my readers a better understanding of who. I. am.

1. An Embarrassing Moment -

In high school I was a chorale geek. (it was and still is WAY COOL to be in chorale, ie Glee) Somewhere in my Senior year I began to have issues with singing. My throat would get all scratchy and eventually I'd lose my voice. Upon a visit to the doctor, he told me I had chronic laryngitis and gave me some pills along with the advice to "sing less." My world was over. Our final concert was approaching, All States was coming up! I continued to practice. I lost my voice. I went to All States anyway and sang in a soft, scratchy voice (no chance of winning squat). By the time of the concert, I conceded defeat and gracefully accepted the job of page turner for the pianist. The big night came and we were singing along, having fun, doing a great job. Suddenly, the chorus was singing, the pianist was playing, and the chorale director was swinging her arms wildly and looking back forth from us to the chorale. The chorale kept singing, the pianist kept playing, and eventually the two somehow came together. It was later realized I'd turned two pages at the same time. I was mortified. But that was after I recognized that night for being their one senior who would rather be singing, but couldn't. I was called out and given a rose.

2. If money were no object, how would I be spending my life -

Full time gardening. Volunteering on national and international rescue/aide missions. Own a small house on a lake, at the beach, and near the mountains. Get my parents anything and everything they need and want. Have children.

3. What do I love about my job -

Just recently I switched from college textbook publishing to School Librarian. IT IS PERFECT for me. I will interact with students in both an educational and informal means. I will interact with faculty, staff, and parents to shape the school and its goals. I get to promote READING! and try to convince students that reading IS COOL. And, I have to admit, having at least one whole month off in the summer is going to be pretty darn exciting.

4. What is my favorite scene from a book or a movie -

The most dramatic and mind blowing scene that immediately came to mind is one from a book titled Little Bee. I don't really want to give anything about the plot away...and the scene that came to mind is THE pivotal scene that changed the 4 main characters lives and characters forever. Just read it. You'll know which one it is. Tell me if you don't think about it up to 5 months after you read it, like I am right now. The fact that a man, a British man, wrote this book with a female protagonist from another country and got it to be MOVING and convincing is definitely a mark of talent for this guy.

5. When you encounter strife, turmoil, or sadness what do you do -

Sadly, I withdraw from my very close friends as I know they will want to talk, ask questions, provide care and comfort. All things that are lovely and nice, but make the THING real. In order to ignore it, and give myself time to process, I withdraw. I journal. I walk outside. After about two weeks, I will let my friends know (if they haven't already started to worry and asked and pointedly made me at least say I need space <3) and start talking and outwardly/verbally processing my feelings and the THING.

There ya go. That's me.

How you say Meme?

2010-08-19T09:56:00.001-05:00

My great friend Rebekah is like all up in this here blog today. She did is doing this little MEM over at her lj. As i like all things introspective this MEM seems rather appropriate compared to the usual boring, banal MEMs. Anyone else ready to take up the self
exploration gauntlet for the next ... THIRTY DAYS?!*

Day 01 - Introduction
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favourite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favourite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favourite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail

*Has anyone seen that show, by the guy who did Super Size ME, called Thirty Days?! It is the best damn tv EVER. Some of the episodes may be a bit too ... prescriptive, but overall the experiences seem un-canned and real. If there are lessons learned, they come from the people and not Morgan Spurlock (ha, his name!). The most cheesy and prescriptive episodes are the ones where Morgan goes on the 30 days journey himself. He already knows what he's supposed to learn kind of thing. And I think the guy is open minded enough (and dare I say this white privileged comment) and educated enough to experience these things differently than the random people he gets to do the 30 day swaps. If you haven't seen an episode, DO IT!

This is the rhythm of my life.

2010-08-19T09:48:00.000-05:00

When I first moved to Boston, the album to my new life there was a Boards of Canada cd. The mellow, yet playful beats matched the rhythm of the city, the rhythm of me walking across the Mass Ave bridge on my way home, and the feeling of yearning and accomplishment inside me. I'd left behind my non-profit, non-PAYING (at least not enough to live on), NH based life for the "big city." The publishing world allowed me into its ranks and I felt almost ... cosmopolitan about myself, my job, and the life I was living. On the flipside, I was still ... yearning for something. At the time I didn't know what I was yearning for, or maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

Thanks to a great friend, Rebekah, and her seriousness about enneagram numbers I can finally say this about myself and not feel ... BAD about it. I am The Helper and The Enthusiast after all. I can say this and realize it is a worthy and valid feeling. Actually special and something to be supported and cherished.

I was yearning to be loved.

Cheesy, but ... true. I was yearning to be loved, to be accepted in all ways, and to be fully known. This yearning was expressed in almost everything I did. So weird to look back at it now and SEE myself thrown into activities and people in search of love. I even joined a Bible group!!! Because who is more loving and who knows all and sees all more than the big G-D? And you know what I took away from that experience - the fact that I couldn't let G-D love me. That it was hard for me to believe that anyone, even a nonexistent supposedly altruistic and all loving being such as G-D, could ever love me.

Poor little flower.

Ironic that one in search of love would then cast it off or push it away blindly. But yeah, that's me. F**ked up. :-) However, I think my Bible group and the people in the group, and the above realization allowed me to move on from that knowledge. Interesting to think that it took G-D (and perhaps G-D acting through the people in my group) to make me realize that even if I didn't think I deserved love, or that anyone could really love ME, G-D would anyway. And so would people. G-D loved me. Period. I couldn't do anything about it even if I tried! And the people around me who loved me, same thing. They were not going anywhere. I could NOT change their feelings. It was freeing.

Yearning slowly subsided. Nervous energy/anxiety abated (in most areas, not all! I'm nowhere near done).

When I hear that Boards of Canada cd, it takes me back to Boston. Back to the energy and excitement of the me who started out there and the me who left there, calmer, fuller and a little more loved.

You crossed the line. There's no going back.

2010-08-09T09:51:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I rode my bike into Canada.
It was the simplest thing.
I pulled up to the security area on my bike. I handed the guard my passport. He asked me a few questions and then he let me pass into Canada.

Easy peasy.

Well, it was easy because I had a passport.
What if I didn't have a passport?
What if instead of some invisible border it became solid, a line I could not cross?

Thousands of people face this dilemma of being "trapped" in the United States of America.
For whatever reason or however they came to be here, they no longer have the freedom to leave.
And if they do, they may not be able to return.

As a legal, documented United States citizen I have no idea what it feels like to live within boundaries. I have
never been confined to any one location. I have the mobility of a bird and can go wherever I choose. How often I have crossed international borders, state borders, crossed from one country to another, flown to other continents without a worry or care.

It's rare that I am...forced to think about the rights I received at birth. Rights I don't question or worry about having them restricted from me as I am 1) a legal citizen and 2) law abiding and there's probably a 3) and a 4), I just can't think of them. These rights, the ones most of us never even consciously think of, are just another layer of privilege deeply embedded in the USA. To say I don't appreciate them or exercise them A LOT would be a lie. And I don't think I can or would renounce these privileges. However, with immigration laws and policies (and The Wall) at the forefront of political issues in our country, yes, I should be thinking about these privileges and what it means to have them, and to not have them. I was born a citizen of the United States of America. Others weren't so lucky.

I guess not everything sucks about being a United States Citizen. But I do believe the motto engraved on the Statue of Liberty so long ago, proclaiming to THE WORLD to send US, the United States, "your tired, your poor, and your hungry," rings a little hollow and with a bit less truth for most of the US today.

this makes me proud to be an USA citizen

Warm Up or Work Out?

2010-08-03T08:02:00.000-05:00

1 min swimmer

100 crunches

10 push ups

25 back arches

100 crunches

10 push ups

100 side bends (snake dance)

25 back arches

100 scissor arms and feet

100 crunches (tae bo sides)

100 leg lifts

100 crunches

1 min shoulder circles

1 min flutter kick

50 lunges

Smell of Summer

2010-07-25T11:52:00.000-05:00

I like how when my downstairs neighbor tends his tomatoes, which happen to reside right outside my apartments windows, I smell their pollen.

The Good Old Days

2010-07-06T19:15:00.002-05:00

Today was spent running through a sprinkler, kids ages 4-8 running around with me, in the 94 degree weather. Life could be worse.

Quotidian

2010-06-24T13:56:00.002-05:00

"what you wish is every bit as real as what you are."

- Lauren Slater

These Are the Days of Our Lives

2010-06-11T11:07:00.000-05:00

Living with regret sucks.

I try not to, but to live without regret seems impossible as most "lessons" learned or even the importance of a moment or a thing, are not known until later.

At one point I owned every single Christopher Pike book published. Later, I thought they were taking up too much room on the one shelf they occupied and gave. them. away. No wait, I think I traded them for "money" at this used book store called Annie's Book Stop. The way the store worked was - you brought in books, there was a standard "cost" to paperbacks and hardcovers, and depending on the condition and how many were accepted, you would be handed a store credit to get more books. I brought all my Christopher Pike books here. I brought the entire Babysitters Club, Saddle Club, and Sweet Valley High series. I brought the first editions of all the Vampire Diaries series, you know, that newly syndicated show on the WB or something and has since republished the books, too. Looking on ebay, someone has the gall to sell the entire series, supposedly "first edition" for $500. Let me say that again - four books, $500. If I had mine, I would not want to sell them, it's not the money that has suddenly caused this irrational longing for these long ago books. No, I was engaged in conversation with a colleague and we started talking about how much we'd liked his books when we were young. And my mind got so excited remembering the titles, and the cheesy book covers made me laugh, as she and I scrolled through Amazon trying to find all the ones we'd read. But how was I to know at the moment I gave them away, that some day, my thirty year old self would want them? Would actually appreciate reading them again and not simply to re-enjoy them, but to re-enjoy the joy they'd given me as a pre-teen and teen. I can't or I wasn't or it's hard to be consistent and think that far ahead all the time!!!

Yet I chose to keep a My Little Pony ballet studio. A handful of stuffed animals. Yearbooks. And almost everything I've ever written or had published in any form. I might even have my favorite tap dance costumes and I definitely still pull out my first pair of high heel tap shoes.

But I gave away my books.

Some titles or authors, when and if I remember, I regret differently or maybe not at all. However, I will forever regret the decision of my adolescent self to give away Christopher Pike.

They Can Never Take Our Freedom.

2010-06-03T11:20:00.041-05:00

Mel Gibson as William Wallace knew what he was talking about when he yelled those infamous words. No one can actually take away another person's freedom. Even slaves of any kind, or indentured servants have a certain amount of freedom.

To me, freedom is the right to choose. My right to have and make choices for myself. To choose what to do, what to wear, what I think, what I can say, what I share, what I make public, what I keep private. In this sense, even slaves and indentured servants still have freedom. Even incarcerated people have freedom. There is still room to choose how to act, how to live, will I live, will I die, get in a fight, cooperate, get out of bed, think positively, react, or reflect - all within some very narrow limitations and confines, given slavery, servitude or incarceration takes away some choice. A slave (I guess I'm referring to modern day slaves as there are a lot more than one would think) can choose to stay, live, run away, possibly get killed, live on the run, hide. Or a prisoner can try to escape, not follow the rules, kill him or herself, riot, starve.

I think I'm over simplifying this issue a bit to make a point, because having your freedom limited, and some choices made for you and others denied is not the same as having complete freedom of choice in your life.

Toss the Birds Some Bread

2010-06-02T15:51:00.038-05:00

For a while this one poem followed me around. Followed ... ok, maybe more like showed up in my life. At the weirdest times, not necessarily moments of deep, reflection where it made a huge impact and my life was forever changed from that moment on. No, more like odd times that made me pause, but then I just carried on.

Sophomore year. My friend makes a table for our other friend. She has laminated a poem to the top. THE poem. Or how about one day I was walking downtown in Burlington VT and stepped on a piece of paper. Turns out this poem, THE poem, was on that piece of paper. A few years out of college, this "screwed up" guy we all knew comes to visit while I am back in VT. He brings with him this piece of birch bark I gave him YEARS ago, with a poem on it. THE poem. (of course I put it there. but this was a "screw up" who I thought would toss that thing the first chance he got. Instead, he went on to tell me how many times he read the poem, and felt like it helped him feel better and get through some tough times. CRIPES!) Or fast forward to a September 11th remembrance ceremony. Joe Biden steps up to the podium and reads a poem. THE poem.

Oddly I only vaguely remember the poem's first entrance into my life. I remember more the way or means through which it entered my life, which was via my friend Laurie. I think. She had a book of Mary Oliver poems and I think THE poem was included. Or was it my friend Kathleen who had the book and introduced it to Laurie and I? Memory! So faulty a thing to call upon in times of need. However it came to me, I am happy that it did. Every time I read it, I still feel moved. I get reminded of myself as a small piece of something so much larger than myself, how my tragedies and happinesses all fit inside this larger thing and can be swallowed up, but incorporated. That no matter what, as long as I'm of this earth, myself always has a place here. Here. Wherever I am.

It is a beautiful poem. It is hanging in my bathroom, on a homemade collage type back drop I made. Many a pee-er or shitter have commented on it, saying "oh my god I LOVE that poem." Maybe you'll love it, too.

Wild Geese -

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

When You Wished Upon Stars

2010-06-01T22:40:00.110-05:00

Sometimes the question "what did you want to be when you were a kid?" is obnoxious. In the question, there seems to be an implication that once you are no longer a child, you become disconnected from the ideas and the self you were at that time. I don't remember there being a statute of limitation on ideas/aspirations/dreams from childhood....right?

Do we stop dreaming, changing, and wanting to be something else when we are adults? Does being one thing for a longer period of time mean we can never be anything else? I get the root of the question - what did your beautiful, untainted, open mind want to be before it was tarnished by "the rules," "the man," and society? by disappointments, diversions and demands?

I change my ideas, values and perceptions of myself and my place in the world now just like I did then. I am still just as much a learner and explorer as I was, the topics have just changed in depth, breadth, and coverage. Maybe not everyone is a rule breaker. Not everyone sees rules as suggestions, not laws. Maybe I'm lucky to have this part of myself still alive and healthy. If so, I am great-full. (I dislike the true spelling of that word, it does not seem to convey the same meaning as when I spell it like that. I'm not happy I have a whole lot of grated something, I am full of a feeling of GREATNESS.)

Here is my attempt to chronologically list "what I wanted to be when I was little" -

grades Pre K - 3
tap dancer
baby nurse
colorer
teacher
beautician

grades 4-8
marine biologist
spy
writer
journalist
mad scientist

grades 9-12
skate boarder
break dancer
biologist
writer
pianist
environmental scientist
mathmetician

college
accountant
english professor
volunteer (seriously, as a job, forever unpaid!)
writer
world saver
teacher
farmer
Nun (buddhism kick, short lived)
yogi

post college
farmer
volunteer
world saver
teacher
writer
librarian

In comparison, here is who or what I actually "was" throughout my life -

grades Pre K - 8
student
writer
journalist (AWFUL. I wrote a gossip/fashion column in the 8th grade class newspaper - ha!)
tap dancer
track runner (hurdles, ya!)
babysitter
volunteer

grades 9-12
student
writer
journalist (co-wrote an article on the new mall construction, big time news in high school)
actor
pianist (2 yrs)
tennis player
cashier
babysitter
telemarketer
volunteer

college
student
student worker
volunteer
file clerk
telemarketer
student leader/program manager
writer
teacher

post college
community garden director
farmer
non profit worker
writer
journalist
teacher
editorial intern, editorial assistant, assistant editor
cashier
undercover spy!
student
librarian

Kind of neat to see my evolution so simplified. To know I can be merely those words, and fit into tidy labels.

Up Up and Away

2010-05-19T13:45:00.000-05:00

I am going to gripe here. To play the victim. To ... WHINE, if you will. Needless to say, some of this is misplaced and based on inaccuracies. BUT. I'm griping so I am not limiting myself to "facts." I will let it all out.

Of late, my "friends" and I do not often see each other. We are all displaced throughout the NewEngland states (some a bit further). Recently, we've all been together, like the good ol' days, has been at... WEDDINGS. At the last wedding, with only two single ladies left in the group, the refrain most heard was, "Who's going to get married next so we can get together again? Have a party again?" I rolled my eyes and laughed.

I am no longer laughing.

Because you see, I thought I had something as important to celebrate. And thought to myself, yes, an excuse for a party AND we can all get together. AND it won't be about babies (though they were welcome at the party because I wanted everyone possible at this wedding and am not totally blind to life changes) or weddings. Instead it will be about dedication, personal struggle, overcoming hardships and succeeding, and ... getting old. What better reasons to celebrate than turning the big 3-0 AND graduating with a Masters degree? All within two weeks of each other? Invitations were sent out a month in advance, some earlier to those who may have had to make flight arrangments or plan for sitters or hotels, etc...

The day of the party dawned. I eagerly waited at the party grounds, anticipating the arrival of friends and family. Who showed up? The majority of the guests were my family. From my college friends, ONE person came, from high school ONE person came, and from Boston ONE couple came. I was not disappointed in the people who came. I am lucky that they were there and they made me feel so loved and special and I was blessed to be celebrating with them. We had a wonderful time, played in the sun, and ate good food.

However, was it shocking to see the lack of my "friends" there? Yes. Was I a bit sad that others I had really hoped to see were not there? Yes. Was it uncalled for that I thought the missing "friends" would at least CALL or send an EMAIL with their regards or wishes or love? I guess so.

So right now I just feel glum and pissed. Glum that I didn't get to see my friends, pissed that they like to think they'd get together for "other reasons" but in reality, won't or "can't" or whatever the hell else, pissed that weddings and babies are all I have to look forward to, it seems, in terms of celebrating. That seems really lame ... and depressing as I don't think I'll be doing either one of those things any time soon.

or EVER.

One With Everything, Well, At Least My Bike

2010-05-10T10:16:00.005-05:00

I never understood my brother's need for speed while hiking. Whether it was just the two of us or a group of us, the result was the same - after initially trying to stay together, B would eventually take off to be seen next at the top of the mountain. To me this didn't seem enjoyable! let alone sociable. If you go with a group, you stay with the group. Period.

Then I started road biking and I know the need for speed. There are some points in my daily commuting ride where I get into this rhythm with my bike and we zip down hills, around corners, and narrowly avoid people.* I know the route so well that avoiding most things is second nature and I don't think about it anymore - every movement is automatic and perfectly timed (except after 30+ mph winds that leave massive rocks and dirt piles in unexpected places, like today). On this one steeper, long hill I get up some speed and from the top to about a 1/2 mile away I don't pedal once and my bike and I are one thing. I understand in that moment of my ride what it must feel like to be a bird in a flock, or a fish in a school and how they move so effortlessly as one thing instead of twenty separate beings. Ok, a romantic stretch of an analogy, but it makes my point!

When other people are on the path I ride, and (intentionally or not) interfere with my rhythm, I get annoyed. Now I understand that B was never running or rushing up mountains. His rhythm was just not my rhythm. To be "forced" not to move in your rhythm is ... unnatural. The high from getting into one's rhythm would be forfeit. And isn't that the point?

*Note to walkers, runners, and other bikers - IPODS ARE DANGEROUS! If you choose to walk in the middle of the path and you can't hear me, is that MY problem?!@#!$*

Letter to a John Doe

2010-04-14T09:29:00.004-05:00

Dear L,

It's funny how we learn "lifes' lessons" sometimes. When you were convicted and sent to jail, I didn't really feel anything. Of course there was remorse for you and your fate, but I felt I was not directly impacted, like we were removed from each other enough and for so long that it was sort of ... not enough to get through any de-sensitization I have built up. Then I go and watch a 45 minute t.v. show that leaves me crying and thinking of you with a new perspective. There's some shame in admitting that, but more ... recognition that at least I know this now, and am thankful I do. My actions will change from here on.

Whether you did or did not do what you were convicted for, I hope you will serve whatever time you have to, get out of there and never go back. A t.v. show probably only conveys HALF of the dehumanizing conditions of jail, and the goings on there - to imagine what the reality is, I can't even conceive. For anyone to have to live in those mind numbing conditions while trying to maintain their sanity and some semblance of normalcy seems ... daunting. And with no visitors, no letters, and no contact with anything from the outside world, it would be that much harder.

Now I understand how special it is (and also how hard it probably is for you) that my parents go to visit you. They told me that the other week, that they continue to go while no one else besides your mom and sister do. Again, I didn't really connect with their words; those words and your circumstance did not feel related to me in anyway. Now they do. I'm really proud of them for seeing how important their visits could be for you and again, sad that I did not until now. Who knew that until those you love are taken away from you, or you don't have a choice whether you get to see them or not, how important a single "hello" or a smiling familiar face could be to one's mental health and outlook for the day. How much hope could be contained within something so simple.

There's this myth and I'm sure it's true for some prisons, just not all - that being in jail is like being on vacation: food, a bed, clothes, an education all paid for by American tax dollars. Sure, for the "lucky"people who land in those jails, yeah, that's a really "rough" time. However, after watching this t.v. show, the majority of jails are NOT those mythical places and most prisoners are not treated to luxuries. I feel frustrated and angry that you, and others like you, are "rotting away" in jail supposedly to "learn from your mistakes." Some people completely alone and forgotten, lost in the machine of the prison system, others biding their time to get out to reconnect with people, and possibly land back in jail quicker than they left it. If what you and they did was so WRONG, how are you learning to change your behaviors? How are you being taught something new, the RIGHT thing or the RIGHT way to live?

Instead of teaching or rehabilitating inmates, it looks like most of the time inmates are just left to their own devices. Can anyone really imagine what that feels like - 8+ hours a day to fill, day after day, year after year? At first that may sound great, like wow, I can do ANYTHING and have NO responsibilities. But after the novelty wore off, anyone would grow bored. And then take that out of the "real world" where people have freedom to choose from COUNTLESS ways to fill that time, and put that into a small confined area where there is 1) tv 2) maybe books 3) cards or games 4) working out 5) writing a letter or 6) sleeping ...how "fun" or freeing or productive is that? Six choices or less. SIX CHOICES to fill years of time. I'd like to see critics of prison GED and higher education programs really think about that prospect, try to imagine themselves in that position, and see how fast they would BEG for the chance to do SOMETHING with their time. And something productive, holy s**t, EVEN BETTER!

Right, L, I'm spinning off into the politics of prison and forgetting you. You in prison. You in this very difficult situation and lifestyle. I want you to know I am going to write you some letters, on a regular basis. I'm not sure I could come see you...if I could be strong enough to do that for you... so I'll start there, by writing to you. I won't expect you to write back, if you do, great. But I will try to remember that this ritual is not about me, or about writing, but that it is about you. And giving you one little connection to something outside of the place you find yourself in now.

I think you get to go outside, so you get to see the sky and grass and the environment - I hope that nourishes your soul a little. It is not enough and probably not a lot of time spent out in it (and I kind of picture a concrete gravel yard that you spend outside time in, so how "natural" is that, how nourishing?), but it is a reminder that you are NOT ALONE. You are NOT completely separate from the world. You may feel like the world is going on around you, not with you in it, but you are still a part of the cycle. What you do in there matters. And it will matter when you get out, too, and come back to your family and try to move on with your life.

What you do matters. Every little choice, action, word MATTERS.

Take care, L, you'll hear from me soon.

Love,

Things that Make You Go Ohm

2010-03-14T19:23:00.006-05:00

At the beginning and end of yoga class, the entire class says three 'Ohms' aloud together. Nothing sounds more new age-y and pretentious than saying that, let alone doing it. But truth be told, it does not feel pretentious to me. Right now writing about it, it sounds weird sure, but in the moment it feels right. My voice, one in the crowd, all varying pitches and volumes, combining into one overall sound. Ohm. Say it now, aloud. See how it feels, not just how it sounds. Is that not a pleasant sensation?

When I say Ohm, the hum of it starts deep in my throat, kind of right behind my breast plate. The hum flows up and through my mouth, vibrating my lips. Once it is fully articulated, I can feel it humming in my ears. I hold the sound for as long as I can then with a deep inhale, I start again. Ohm. My body is ringing, my mind is totally focused on the sound and feel of ohm. Deep in my consciousness, I wonder if I keep saying ohm and breathing, would this feeling last forever? I picture monks around the world, at this same moment, and imagine them saying Ohm too.

Buddhists believe that Ohm is the perfect sound, it encompasses all sounds, it is the divine, it is the "sound symbol for the ultimate reality." Maybe I agree. For when I say ohm, when I feel it humming in me, and I hear it ringing into one sound with the voices of strangers, I feel connected. And not in that metaphorical sense of "like yeah man, we're like, all connected duuude." No, I mean in a very physical sense. In saying ohm, I am the sound. I am the ringing and the energy. And its the energy that is the world, that is the sound, that is me.

When Did Trying Get So Hard

2010-02-28T15:45:00.005-05:00

Now that I am making it a point to exercise more, eat a little less and a little better, I realize how much effort it takes to just stay healthy. I'm not even trying to lose weight, of which I won't unless I make more of an effort for a daily calorie deficit (and I'm not ready to try THAT hard, not yet. did you know you need a 3500 weekly deficit to lose 1 pound? ONE FREAKIN' POUND). I'm talking maybe to firm up and stay the size I am.

I'm trying to increase my activity level from walking for at least 1-2 hours, 5 days a week to that PLUS 1-2 nights of 1.5 hrs of yoga class and possibly adding 4-6 times for running about 3 miles. WTF?!? This sounds crazy even to me. This FEELS hard to me. I've only managed to add 2-3 times running and the yoga. I've cut down on portions, too. Luckily (or not) I don't own a scale, so I'm not yet sure how all this is doing for me. I can say I FEEL better, healthier, especially since I started yoga. It's only been about two weeks though, so as for physical evidence of my hard work, there may not be any yet. THAT IS FRUSTRATING! I want results, NOW. INSTANTLY. If I'm going to do all this and possibly not see ANY difference, then what is the point?! The point, as I said, is I have to do all this in order to do just that - stay the same weight and shape I am now. In - freakin' - credible.

This is what "getting older" is all about I just never thought ... I'd really start getting older! My exterior looks exactly the same as it did at age 16 so of course I take it for granted that my interior is going to remain the same too. Oooooh no. Wrong. I guess I'll slowly start to decrease and minimize and deteriorate on the inside until one day, unknown to anyone (unless I start scheduling those yearly physicals), I just keel over and die.

Not One Of Them

2010-02-25T10:17:00.001-05:00

Please don't let me become a crazy librarian who is constantly giving a talk aloud
update on what she is doing. To no one.

say it, brother!

2010-02-12T14:08:00.001-05:00

"the things i want to know are in books"

- abe lincoln

Writing Prompt

2010-02-09T12:15:00.003-05:00

and every night she slipped farther away...

ties that bind

2010-02-08T13:35:00.003-05:00

"Trust is believing that when an individual mutually agrees to carry out a responsibility it will be carried out as promised" (da Costa, 1995 and Riordan, 1995).

the phrase "if you want something done right, you got to do it yourself." so contrary to the above quote. when and where did the first betrayal happen? who let you down so badly that you super impose their attitude, their negative attributes on to every person you meet?

it's so easy to let the negative patterns and habits keep running life. i know i get muddled in my mind speak - didn't I already TELL them this? did they NOT read the directions? they won't do it this way (MY way) so I better do it! or didn't I SPELL THIS OUT FOR THEM?

i want to break from those old tired worn out phrases. i want to take each moment and new interaction with a person for what it is. start small. begin to build. and let each person prove they CAN be trusted before I write off the whole world.

And Once Upon A Time

2010-02-05T15:51:00.003-05:00

"This behaviour might seem virtuous, but it's based on deeply ingrained habits of self-denial."

how much of what I do and who I am is to be good, to be nice, to do the right thing and how much is really self effacement? Self-denial? I'm not sure ...

I Can Read Your Mind

2010-01-24T16:58:00.000-05:00

There is something so satisfying about making a spot on book recommendation.

At first it seems like making an educated guess. Usually it is a book I've read, possibly loved and held dear as a good read. So you hand over that name, hoping a new connection can be made between the new reader and this treasured title.

Then I wait.

And maybe a few days or a few weeks later, I see the person coming back and cringe inwardly, not knowing their response to the book. I wait, expectantly, hoping it worked out. And this time, it did.

With every success, I feel the excitement of being a reader and know the other person feels that way, too. This is part of my job. I LOVE it.

Little Gems

2010-01-19T18:46:00.002-05:00

Overheard

on the T -

Girl #1 - Yeah, that's my new years resolution - SPEND LESS TIME ON FACEBOOK!

Girl #2 - mumbles something incoherent

Girl #1 - Oh, yeah, starting today! (19 days into the new year)

Leaving the library -

a little boy, probably 4 or 5, said with such excitement in his voice, as though he just got a puppy for Christmas - "Mooom! It's TED KENNEDY!" (as he hands her a book or something)

Moi Bonita

2010-01-16T10:17:00.003-05:00

Exchange between me and a Spanish speaking woman, also a customer, in Salvation Army:

Her: Where did you get those? (in reference to the cute polka dot heels in my hand) So cute.

Me: From the window display. Where did that dress go you had in your arms?

Her: Oh, it didn't fit me. It might work for you. You've got a tush.

Me: I know! I've tried telling people I've got one, and they're always like, "Where?" (pointing to my butt) And I say, "Right here! How can they not see it?"

Very validating moment. Because indeed, this baby got back.*

People are ... deceived by my smallness. They assume that means everything about me is small. And heck, put me next to a woman who is 5'10" and 170 and of course I look small. But I'm just smallER than bigger framed people. My butt in general is NOT small. It's not huge either. I'd like to think of it as a nice handful. The kind of butt men turn to stare at, my beau likes to spank, and I like to see in lacy undies. It's a good butt.

I'm grateful for it.

*In 6th grade I went to my first and only summer camp. It was in town at my school, probably affordable for my parents and easy for transportation since I rode my bike. At the time, my friend was there too, girl named Alice. For the talent show at the end of camp we made up a dance to the song, Baby Got Back. I look back at it and cannot beLIEVE the counselors let us do this dance to that song. The whole thing was kind of like the song and dance number of Lindsey Lohan's character and the Plastics in Mean Girls. Disturbingly sexual and awkwardly out of place for the setting. Luckily, we didn't have costumes.

Did you really just do that?

2010-01-14T08:52:00.002-05:00

- kids fart. a lot.

- i opened the bathroom door on SOMEONE ELSE! (the fates like balance I suppose)

- lunch room talk: ice luges, funneling, and college times, this between some young looking "I just graduated" types and some older women, maybe 40s.

- predominantly women here, and young women. seen about two or three older men, maybe 40s or 50s

- no one dresses very nice. i understand the whole suit and tie, heels and suits things may have been stuffy, but this!@#! this look of khakis with a v neck shirt, or tight jeans with boots and the long sweater, wtf?!? we are EDUCATORS. we're not going out to the club here. and ... um ... WHO ARE WE IMPRESSING? Well, in fact, no one if you look like a frumpy mcfrumpster.

End Today's Rant.

There Was A Whisper and This is What it Said

2010-01-11T09:13:00.002-05:00

Thanks for every single time you ever fell in love.

Whether or not it was obvious. Whether or not it lasted. And whether or not you were loved back.

It changed everything.

You changer,
The Universe

All that and then some

2010-01-08T07:38:00.003-05:00

On and around the job -

A spider fell out of a spout for a bottle of liquid sugar into my coffee.

The door to the bathroom didn't lock properly, and I was exposed to a teacher.

I was "solicited" as a substitute twice, both times in whispered, hushed conversation. Subs are hot commodities in these here parts.

Who would ever want to look at this cover? LOOK AT THOSE EYES. Kids are READING this series...beyond me.

What a day.

One is Silver and the Other is Brown

2010-01-07T08:13:00.002-05:00

Found my first grey hair yesterday. Definitely on my way to turning thirty.

Must be Santa...Must be Santa, Santa CLAUS!

2009-12-26T11:23:00.000-05:00

Eight-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of New York’s Sun, and the quick response was printed as an unsigned editorial Sept. 21, 1897.

“DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
“Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
“Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’
“Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

“VIRGINIA O’HANLON.
“115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.”

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Give Away Your Heart Every Time

2009-12-02T11:00:00.004-05:00

"maybe you've already heard that I really like life. like more than a friend. i say it all the time, and it seems simple enough, but like anything else, could probably use a little explanation. i remember years ago reading The Brothers Karamazov and getting to the point where alyosha says (i think to ivan, but i might be wrong, it's been a while) something like I believe everyone should love life more than anything else in the world. and it sounds almost funny but i think it makes so much sense.

every day i try to pay attention to the things that make me happy. on days when i need a little extra help, i write them down because otherwise i'm likely to dwell more on the things that aren't so good. but most days i don't need to write them down, i just notice and it kind of propels me through the things i have to do that maybe aren't my favorite. i don't mind getting up early every day for work, because i wake up early to cats asleep on my legs, and sometimes to my favorite kind of toast for breakfast and i don't mind not really having money to out to eat or to the bar or shopping when i know the library is full of audio books to listen to while i knit, knitting books teach me new tricks, and a fiction section with probably thousands of books i haven't read or even heard of.

when you really start noticing how many things in your day-to-day life you actually like, it gets almost funny that there can be so many, and that they can be so minute. i like the way my floor looks after i sweep it. i like when i wake up before my alarm. i like when i can feel the weather changing, and i like the first day that i need to wear tights and a sweater. i like walking to the bus station different ways in the morning sometimes. i like when both my cats sit in the window at the same time because i think it looks like they are on a date.

i think it's nice to look at life like this, in terms of like instead of dislike. and i think it empowers you to change the things that you maybe don't like as much, because it's sort of less overwhelming. so i guess that's what i mean, about loving life. it's not that everything is all that perfect, although i do realize i have it a little easier than a lot of people in the world. but i think it could be important for anyone to at their day like that, really. i dare you to make a list of everything you like on any given day. and i dare you to make a list of things you don't like and then see how you can make them better, or how you can work around them. and i double dare you to make a list of things that you're afraid to do and do one a week, or one a month, or one as often as you can stand it, because it's such a big deal to do what you're afraid to be doing."

- from the zine Nothing Rhymes Issue #4

I felt such a kinship to this girl's words and her outlook, I had to share them in full. if you're interested in seeing her whole zine, you can't Boo! She has gone out of the bizniz...

Deck the Halls

2009-12-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind
of battle."

And I Am a Digital Girl

2009-12-01T12:29:00.015-05:00

<-- Take these and replace them with these ->

Forget stuffed animals with sad, love-me eyes. Online animals that grow, react, and do stuff have usurped the place once reserved in every kids heart for affection. Is that even possible? What cuddle comfort can one get from an online pet? Or does the nurture factor replace the self-soothing behavior? As I am not part of this new generation that has chosen neo-pets over pound puppies, I can't answer these questions.

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What is so weird about growing up is the number of junk one collects over time - including stuffed animals, gimmicks (Garfield stuffed toys that had suction cups to stick to windows), fads (garbage pail kid cards), and other time period regalia (cabbage patch kid dolls) - only to dispose of it all as soon as one passes out of adolescence. Or was it just me who did a major overhaul that included all of this memorabilia?

It's not that I didn't LOVE my pound puppies; I DID love them, with all my little heart. I used to carry these two kittens (that's right, there were pound kitties too) Harry and Carrie everywhere I went. They had leashes that I twisted and wrapped around them to create a make shift carrying handle. Yet some how, when my mom gave them to me, it was like she was entrusting me with the entire family fortune. If I had them with me at all times, and I never lost them, it would mean something. Anything. Otherwise, how do I explain the OCDness of my 6-8 year old self carrying around two mangled looking, dirty stuffed kitties?

At this point, only two stuffed animals out of probably a thousand remain in my possession. And all the other stuff like barbies and my little ponies and strawberry shortcake dolls that smell like strawberry cheesecake, they're all gone. The two stuffed animals left came to me later in life, so they are not even one of the many my parents purchased for me before the age of 14. During the purging periods when I got rid of a lot of my stuffed animals, I never felt sad. I didn't feel sad until today, coming across the reference to pound puppies and neo-pets in a book I am reading. Until I tried to find a picture of them for this post, saw those sad, pound dog eyes and I remembered. Remembered the fragile dreams of my little self pinned to those treasured stuffed animals, lost and gone forever. Dreadful sorry, Harry and Carrie.

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Are memories and emotions connected and attached to these neo-pets? How much of a person's self is invested to their care and creation? Is it a shared experience, and if so, how? I'd be interested to know if there are adults and parents involved with their children/youth in these neo-pets' world and lives. I think (haven't looked close enough) there is a community for neo-pet owners so there could be comraderie and other emotional ties created in and around these virtual pets. I guess my question is how much of the online transfers into the offline in this siutation? Or maybe more importantly, do neo-pet owners learn from their neo-pets what I learned from my pound puppies?

Good Tidings To You

2009-12-01T09:00:00.000-05:00

Holiday Count Down Extravaganza ...

Each day in December I shall be posting an "inspirational" holiday quote.

Enjoy!

Today's quote -

Love can only be kept by being given away...and it can only be given perfectly
when it is also received. Thus, know YOU are loved.

New Career Aspiration

2009-11-29T20:38:00.001-05:00

Job title: Explorer in Residence

Inspiration and mentor: Robert Ballard

bring it back, y'all

2009-11-29T15:58:00.002-05:00

Kerfuffle - n. a fuss or commotion i.e. I didn't know what all the kerfuffle was about, but I succeeded in getting in a few punches.

Have now encountered this most charming word in TWO different novels (The Power of One, The Enchantress of Florence). I am going to resurrect this poor darling from its near death (here in the states) and infuse it with life by over use in my daily lexicon.

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For more info on this fabulous word's history and birth, check out WorldWideWord where some
British dude talks funny and makes money in doing so! (he's published three books on obscure English words and phrases. The only other word nerd I know who would go to such lengths, and happen to get paid for it too, is Jeff Deck.)

Don't Cry For Me, Argentina

2009-11-07T14:39:00.002-05:00

bike rack = $20

back light = $15

front light attachment piece = who knows, maybe $1, but without it, the actual light is USELESS

bike frame = FREE

parts to make bike work = $65

bike seat (from my road bike, Specialized, and for long rides) = $90

Total cost of shit ass commuter bike = $190

Cost of Erikka thinking it's ok to leave even a broken bike somewhere unchained in Jamaica Plain = $190.00

Cost of Erikka now not having 1) a bike and 2) a seat for my OTHER bike so 3) I really have NO BIKE = BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ARSE

And all this also means 4) I have no way of getting around without having to pay for the T or the bus and that means 5) being near...PEOPLE...when there's H1N1 around. Let alone just regular or colds and flus and other yuckiness that happens at this time of year. Ack!

It's my fault. And I'm not looking for sympathy for doing something as naive and idiotic as I did. However, I will say one thing and one thing only to vent - stealing my bike was like stealing someone's car. Maybe not monetarily, but in all other aspects. My bike is my main mode of tranportation. It is the way I get to and from work and school. And sadly, I didn't have bike insurance (is there such a thing?) so no, I'm not getting anything back to put toward a new bike seat or a new, crappy commuter bike.

That's it. Now I'll just let go and move on because sadly the bike is gone. I can't do anything about it. But just let me see my bike being ridden around JP ... oh man... that person better watch out. Though in reality, I imagine someone is tearing it apart...piece by piece...to sell or use for other bikes. That just really makes me sad.

Lost things

2009-11-04T11:16:00.002-05:00

There was a pair of gloves left on the train today.

Work gloves.

The kind of gloves that are not thick enough for cold days and have this sheen of little raised plastic bumps on them, for grip. This pair was yellow with green bumps and red trim around the bottoms. One moment they were on someone's lap or in someone's pockets and the next, they're on the floor of the train. Two ladies sitting behind where they lay glanced at them. One lightly kicked them away with the toe of her shoe. Then the gloves were just there. A few stops later, an older gentleman standing nearby kicked them to where the ladies had just gotten up from.

I felt so bad for these inanimate objects misplaced in the world that I picked them up and brought them out to the conductor of the train. Not really thinking they'll get back to the original owner, but maybe someone will take them home, wash them, and give them a brand new chance.

If only it were really like that...

2009-10-29T14:38:00.003-05:00

Excerpt from The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down:

"Foua remains proud to this day she delivered each of [her babies] into her own hands, reaching between her legs to ease out the head and then letting the rest the body slip out onto her bent forearms. No birth attendant was present, though if her mouth got dry ... her husband ... was permitted to bring her a cup of hot water...Because Foua believed crying or screaming would thwart the birth, she labored in silence, with an occasional prayer to her ancestors. She was so quiet...her older children slept undisturbed...a few feet away and woke only when they heard the cry of their new brother or sister."

From the stories I've heard births, in America at least, just ain't like they used to be. I say that flippantly, but really - why all the hoopla surrounding birth now? the doctors, nurses, midwives, Lamaze classes, etc when women used to just cop a squat and pop out babies? What has changed in our bodies to make the process of birth so much more demanding and exacting of our bodies?

Segue (my word of the day!) -

Recently I went to the Po-die-a-trist for some work on my right, big toe. My nail was growing into the side of my toe, really really painful. The appointment to see the Po-d was spontaneously made while I was there for my annual exam, a half hour later. I was unprepared for the minor foot surgery that ensued and hence panicked and acted out like I never thought I would. I was hyserically laughing, trying to get her to stop, almost had to be held down by the assistant as she inserted a needle around my big toe with numbing stuff. As she was finishing up, she asked, "Do you have children?" I answered no. "Do you plan on having children?" I answered I'm not sure. She responded, "Because I'm not sure you'd make it through delivery," which sent me into part hysterical part belly laughter for the remainder of the procedure.

Thoreau (or Henry D. if you're down)

2009-10-18T09:36:00.002-05:00

Inspired last night, I opened Walden to read an excerpt and then do some writing on that excerpt. One of the first things I read was a sentence containing Thoreau's observations on a winter's night. He hears geese landing on the pond as he is walking back "from the village at ten or eleven o'clock at night" (211, Thoreau).

Immediately debates on Thoreau and his experiment came to mind and were thwarted with this sentence. Oh wait, you're not familiar with the debate on Thoreau surrounding his two years at Walden pond? Let me fill you in.

Thoreau went to Walden pond to live off the land and to "live deliberately" (101, Thoreau). It is from this one word - deliberate - that the whole debate sprang. People not completely Thoreau-ifites (aka. readers of ALL of Walden, and many other of his works) heard tell of his adventures of giving up society and heading to the woods to make his life and instantly ran wild with the idea. A man who gave up everything to scratch a living from nothing?!?! Thoreau became the instant Green Movement Hero. Thoreau-ifites knew better and probably saw his fall from grace coming years before it did, but could do nothing to stop it.

Sooner rather than later, it came out that Thoreau did not completely shun society. He may have *gasp* visited his mother where he ate dinner with her and did his LAUNDRY! And, oh horror, partook in a brewed beverage now and then admist the company of others! Non-Thoreau-ifites immediately went up in arms about this subject and began denouncing their so-called hero. How could he have lied to them thus? Misled them with nary a mention of any of his public traipsings in any of his journals, or Walden, or in The Maine Woods? He was supposed to be ALONE with NOTHING and making it work, DAMN IT!

With that very first sentence I read, "upon returning from the village at ten or eleven o'clock at night," I was reminded that Thoreau did not lie or mislead anyone. If people really read Walden, THOREAUHLY (ha!), there are moments like this one that show he was never far from Concord and civilization and he was not shunning either's company. Thoreau went to the woods not to start from scratch to live, nor to build everything from only what was available on hand in those woods (check out the whole FIRST chapter entitled Economy). Instead, Thoreau tried to "live deep and suck out all the marrow of life," to "live so sturidly and Spartan-like" that he would shed "all that was not life" and get to life's fundamentals - in today's terms, he was simplifying.

Thoreau "reduced [life] to its lowest terms" to see "if [life] proved mean" or sublime (101, Thoreau). Then, either way, he would revel and get "the whole and genuine[ness]" of that experience, and "publish it...to the world" (101, Thoreau).

So, all you Thoreau haters and slanderers, get your Walden out and re-read that bit on "What I Lived For" and then with a microscopic intent, read the WHOLE THING and you will see that Henry D. is still the same man he always was...a leader in voluntary simplicity, his works a study of his effects on his world and the effects of his world on him. Everything the green movement touts and celebrates and embraces.

You've still got it, Thoreau. Rock on with your greeeen self.

(me and henry D. @ Walden Pond, 2008)

The Sexing of Halloween

2009-10-14T11:59:00.002-05:00

This week at at my job (5th - 12th grade school) it is Spirit Week. Today is "Dress like a Food" day. I and my fellow librarians are all wearing purple tops with felt leaves and pipe cleaner swirls - we're a bunch of grapes.

As I walked to lunch, I saw a student dressed as a bunch of grapes, too. But somehow she managed to make even a bunch of grapes into something sexy. She is wearing skin tight vinyl or just shiny vinyl looking purple leggings, 5 inch shiny purple high heels, and a purple t you can't see because a bunch of purple balloons are taped over the top half of her.

I wish I could post a picture of something close...but you'll just have to know that indeed girls can and will make sexy outta nothin'.

How Come You Never Buy Me Flowers?

2009-10-08T14:10:00.002-05:00

If and when I get married, I hope I remember that I don't want a bouquet. I'll figure out something else to do with my hands and with the $300 I save on flowers.

The Color of Summer

2009-08-16T19:49:00.001-05:00

Taste a rainbow...

More Lessons From 4 yr Olds

2009-07-25T10:14:00.005-05:00

Adventures never cease on the farm. I keep learning more and more about children (and oddly, about myself, my parents). The enthusiasm of which 4 yr olds are capable, the constant energy they have through out the day is amazing. Kudos to parents, who unlike me, don't get to return these little bundles of joy at the end of the day. Because I have to admit, though I love each of them as if they were mine for the hours we share, I am so relieved when I get to return to my childless apartment. Perhaps someday that sentiment may change...I just can't imagine not having that 10+ hour time to recooperate between working!

Here's a few more things I've remembered about being 4 yrs old -

1. Catching frogs, with a net, is HARD (and I'm not 4!)

2. Playing in the sprinkler is fun

3. Killing things is part of learning

4. Getting naked in public is NO BIG DEAL

5. Jumping in puddles and getting dirty = the best day ever

6. Finding sticks, rocks, clay, ANYTHING to keep and bring home is like finding hidden treasure

and finally

7. Always have a buddy to hold your hand, it just feels nice

Sadly one of my favorite little campers last days at camp was this past Friday. She's been the one child to show me the fruition of being a parent - greeting me every morning by running adn throwing herself at me as soon as she was within five feet, never crying even though she fell or got scratches, being curious and adventurous, and always brave. All day, I gave her sad faces and sad eyes, hugged her a little more, and cherished holding her, little fair skinned hand that much more (and she is quite fair skinned). At one point, as we waited for her mother to come get her, I grabbed her in a bear hug and said remorsefully, "We're not going to see each other again, Louisa!" With a maturity exceeding my own, she replied, "I'll be back next year. We can eat lunch together."

Til then Louisa.

Simple and sweet

2009-07-08T12:29:00.001-05:00

"Marriage is a contract. Love...love is a completely other thing. You don't have to be married to experience love."

- Broken English (movie)

Lessons from a 4 yr old

2009-07-01T14:00:00.002-05:00

This summer I'm working part time as a counselor at a farm's summer program. The campers are between 3-11 years old. I'm working with the 4 year olds. Having spent time recently with a 5 year old (my sweet as pie and so adorable you could eat him nephew Riley), I thought I had this down pat. Here are some things I forgot from when he was 4 -

1. they walk slow, I mean, SLOW

2. they can't all wipe their own asses

3. they get distracted after about 1 minute of you trying to talk "seriously" to them, about anything

4. small things are HUGE to them ie feelings, bugs, trees, experiences

5. they do not lie, they are "making up stories"

These are just a few things I've been taught in the past three days.

I'd also like to share this one incident that completely struck me because I could SO relate to this particular 4 year old reaction -

A little girl was waiting for her mother to pick her up at the end of the day (which is 12:30 pm, f**k yah!). She was spinning around in happy circles on the grass. When she happened to stop, and saw her father coming towards her, she burst out crying. Literally, no 'Hi Daddy' or pause for questions, just instant tears. Her father quickly tried to explain he thought this might happen as he and the mother in question had not had time to figure out who could pick up the little girl and hence could not tell the little girl who would be there.

Yes, I could relate to the little girl's reaction. No, I do not instantly burst into tears when my expectations are not met, but damn do I WANT to! Wouldn't it be nice to just sob and weep uncontrollably if and when we are disappointed or completely thrown off? For instance, I remember this time my beau and I went to see a movie. Of course I can't remember the title, but at the time, I'd gotten so excited to see this movie. And it was a prequel or a sequel or something long waited for, by both of us. We got there and found out all three cinemas showing it were SOLD OUT! I was SO disappointed...and I could not just let it go. I moped all night long. Whined so much I annoyed even my beau. If I'd burst into tears, maybe I could have moved on faster....who knows.

The Affair

2009-06-29T17:51:00.002-05:00

This is probably way too personal a question for people to share honest answers with me, a perfect stranger, throwing such a question into the internet world. However, I have to ask. This musical comitradegy Romance and Cigarettes has me wondering...

More and more in books, on film, and on t.v. I see over and over and over again - married men. cheating. Married men. Having affairs. Why? Is this a truth? An infallible truth? All men cheat? Is that really so? Am I naive to think, to hope, to believe otherwise?

So I am wondering a few things -

1) has your husband ever cheated on you? are you still together?

2) have you cheated? are you still together?

3) have you ever been the other woman? and if yes, have you then been cheated on and did you react differently?

Now, I am not dismissing the fact that women, too, have their affairs. Because they do. However, if I could somehow run a statistical search to find out how many movies and/or books feature womens' affairs, I'm sure that number would be drastically lower than the mens' affairs numbers.

Bye Bye Hair

2009-06-11T08:14:00.003-05:00

About a year ago when I first considered cutting my hair, I decided I would donate it to LocksofLove. I studied short hair cuts, found a a few cute ones, was all ready...and never followed through. I just couldn't cut my long long hair. Some weird attachment formed and I couldn't see myself without my long hair, I couldn't identify my feminitity without my long hair.

Since when I could have hair, I had long hair. From grades kindergarten to sophomore year of high school, I had long hair. From
sophomore year of high school (1996) until...2003, I had varying lengths of short hair from pixie/boy cut to shoulder length, Jennifer Anniston's bob from Friends hair. From 2003 until a few days ago, I'd let my hair grow out again, and it was below boob length - a pretty good length for achieving that sexy pin up look of covering them with hair and nothing else.

Finally I followed through with that long ago promise of donating my hair to LocksofLove. The day I did it, I had no plans of cutting 9.5 inches of my hair off, only a trim! But I walked in, asked how much was needed, and since it would still leave me with almost shoulder length hair, I thought, meh, why not?! I am still a woman. I still feel feminine. However, I do look different. I didn't realize how easy it was to achieve a simple, elegant look with long hair. Right now I look more sporty and bookish. At the beach the other day, my beau told me I looked like a surfer girl.

Here's what it looks like just down with no styling -

Anyone have any mid-length hair tips, tricks or styles I can try?

It will grow back...

Where did May go?

2009-06-10T10:52:00.002-05:00

Life is still interesting, I go on adventures, I'm reading a ton of good books. However, it's not noteworthy, earth shattering stuff. Life has been a series of dull moments mixed with sweet, hopefully memorable moments. I say hopefully because the memory seems to let go of the little, tender things before more horrific or extraneous memories. Unless the memory is of song lyrics from 1994, my memory don't evah let go of those.

Sigh.

I'll try to pull myself here more often, to write, to just say something. But I feel the whole pull of finding a gimmick for myself (ie. Go Green, CSA shares, blah blah blah) has been DONE! Is DONE! Why re-do it? Just as my mind struggles to find something to write about for a book some day, I can't even think of anything to write here, for an audience (maybe, if y'all haven't left for good)

Today is a new day.

Tonight there is a meeting and discussion in my town on what are, functions, and how to create Common Security Clubs. My town is pretty liberal, eco-minded, and full of yim yams, hippies, artists, and tree huggers, so this idea or something like it may already be happening. I'm always interested in the crowd these meetings draw too, and I scan the faces for some like my own, for peers, just to know there are others out there. It be great to know more people my age in my neighborhood, to actually meet and talk with them, maybe break bread. I feel like these meetings are a good place to start.

Pork Products - Meal #2 - Pork Chopssss and Apple Sauce

2009-05-12T21:32:00.002-05:00

Alton Brown has become the guru of cooking in our kitchen. If you have not heard of AB, you should look him up or get his cook book - I'm Just Here for the Food.

Tonight we used his breaded pork chop recipe with one minor revision - instead of crushed salt and vinegar chips, we used Italian bread crumbs. If we'd read the recipe first, we would SO have used the crushed chips as that sounds simply fabulous. My beau cooked the chops to perfection - tender, white, and juicy. For sides we had steamed broccoli and wild long grain rice with mushrooms. The photo below shows the exact thickness of the pork chops we ate, but ours were not quite as oddly shaped as this one.

ps. we've been eating the smoked bacon periodically for breakfast and damn if it isn't the best bacon EVER! One difference we've noticed from store bought bacon is there is less grease left in the pan. This is a good sign for our health, yay!, but bad for my beau because he has been using bacon grease as lighter fluid for his smokey joe and other charcoal grill. I believe this bacon grease chimney lighter candle is also an AB idea - the man is simply BRILLIANT!

Perfect Summer Time Meal

2009-05-10T20:06:00.001-05:00

Sweet Italian Sausage on the Grill with Fried Onions

Minus the bun...and minus the ketchup, this is what was for dinner last night. Nothing to making the meal either.

Slice open any sausage of your choice, place face down on a hot grill, and cook 'til done. Onions and peppers can be sliced, wrapped in tin foil and also thrown on the grill to cook (takes much less time to cook than the sausage). Or they can be pan fried. Once lightly browned, veggies are done! Finish cooking sausage and add onions, mustard, and horse radish to top (or as dippers on the side). We added some cooked spinach and macaroni and cheese for sides.

Perfect summer meal...

A Little Pork Goes A Long Way

2009-05-01T12:27:00.000-05:00

For the next 6 months my beau and I receive 10 lbs of meat from a local farm, The Turkey Farm. We signed up for a meat share and I have never felt better about eating meat!!

The bounty this month included:

sweet Italian sausage
smoked bacon
2lbs of ground pork
pork chops (the biggest and prettiest chops I've EVER seen)
a chicken breast (one which is the size of TWO!)

Hopefully I'm not forgetting anything...We also signed up for a veggie share through the partner farm to this one, Stillman's Farm. The Stillman's are a family who run both farms, one team ofparents the other a daughter and her husband. Last year we had a veggie share with Red Fire Farm but wanted to try a new one. My beau worked on Red Fire once upon a time and his recollection of the quality of their produce was not a match for produce we received...Needless to say as the demand for CSAs grows and turns into a craze, the capacity of existing farms is strained and the quality is the first thing to suffer. Plus, I've heard from some farmers that the best produce sold is found at farmers markets. Why? Because prices are higher there and these people are choosing what to buy. Us poor saps who buy into the CSA are giving our support and trust before we see the produce AND we're locked in for the season anyway. Customer satisfaction should be of concern...but right back to where we started - with the growing demand for CSAs and fresh produce, farmers have a customer right in line to fill my empty spot if I decide to leave.

Stay tuned for posts on what to do when you get 10 lbs of pork products!

Zany Words

2009-04-06T14:23:00.003-05:00

zaftig

having a full; rounded figure

zapata

flowing, drooping moustache

zatch

female genitalia

zebrinny

offspring of male horse and female zebra

ziraleet

expression of joy among Arab women

Young?

2009-04-06T14:12:00.001-05:00

I am turning 29 in ... 29 days!

extreme emotions

2009-03-24T15:50:00.004-05:00

Fight Club is a movie that blew my mind when I saw it. Returning from movie, me and a car full of my friends dissected the movie in as many philosophical slants as we could come up with. Exclaimed over tiny details we thought no one else had seen.

I put the movie on this afternoon after a long spell of not seeing it. And the first thing that struck me is the scene of Edward Norton at the men with testicular cancer support group. He hugs Meatloaf and finds himself crying like a baby. He says he "let go" and that night, slept for the first time in weeks. Edward Norton's character then decides to attend as many support groups as he can. Why? Not because he's "hit rock bottom" as the movie goes on to claim. No no.

Because he found a place to cry.

Now this seems so obvious to me, but this piece of info has never jumped out at me before. The fact that men cry together, are vulnerable together in the opening of this most manly of man's movies. I see this as huge now. Huge.

Maybe it's because I just finished reading Self Made Man by Norah Vincent, which really changed the way I see the meaning of feminism and the role of the traditional man. Or maybe it's some shit I'm going through in my personal life. Whatever it is, something made me see that preceding the violence in this movie and quickly swept aside is the biggest thing supposedly separating men from women - emotions. Knowing your emotions, naming them, sharing them, and learning from them.

Emotions.

Seriously, when's the last time anyone out there has seen a man cry? Or if that is too "extreme," what about a man who initiated a conversation about his feelings? Oh oh, to push it even more, has anyone heard of a man doing either of those things with a GUY friend?

WTF!?@#?$ (female rant)

2009-03-18T13:41:00.003-05:00

There are pads for thongs...

There are PADS for THONGS......need I say anything more? Okay yes, I will say more. (i wish this picture showed how SLIM they are and how TINY the box they come in is. I saw it on a random C.V.S. stop)

When I am having my monthly visit from Aunt Flo, or the crimson tide, or my period - or how about moon cycle, the curse, bloody hell, wearing red shoes, whatever you feel good using to name your menstrual cycle (go here for some more fun names) - I usually am not thinking hm, how am I going to wear a pad AND that thong that goes up my ass and barely covers my girls even when I'm not bloated and feeling like all I want to do is sleep?

Thanks tampax and all you other pad creating companies for thinking of women's needs in the creation of this oddity. Ladies, I could be wrong. Maybe I am the only woman out here who doesn't wear thongs ESPECIALLY when I am bleeding. Are there times where you wished you'd had a thong pad? Even if I were going to a wedding in a really nice dress, I'd still opt for full underwear coverage and a regular tampon. I just can't think of a time where this absurdity would be necessary for me.

Share your thoughts...if there's still anyone out there.

Vitality

2009-02-13T13:48:00.001-05:00

I don't have any right now. Work is dragging. All the students, young and boisterous, full of life, remind me of my dimness. The energy is melting out of me like the snow melting in this unseasonably warm weather, pooling in dirty and murky puddles. Hopefully the slight cold I feel coming on will pass, and I'll be restored to my regular spirits.

Until then...each bright smile, each happy voice grates across my nerves.

Uncalled for

2009-01-23T09:32:00.003-05:00

In today's Boston Globe, a small article on page A2 caught my eye, it's headline blazing "Neo-Nazi group joins clean-up program." (Kansas City, MO)

Seriously?

White supremacists must be desperate over falling pledge numbers because they're move to get their name on roadside signs seems...down right funny. If that is what they think it takes to get recognition...for keeping a mile of highway clean, um, ok...On the other hand, I do find it hard to believe that the court had to let them do this due to first amendment rights. There's nothing in the constitution about extremist groups and their propaganda?

On a more chipper note, I've got a lot to say about my trip to Nicaragua, so I am writing about it in another forum. If anyone is interested, I'll send you the link personally.

PEACE Y'ALL!

A Moment's Notice

2009-01-20T14:35:00.004-05:00

My blog has been stagnant due to a brief foray out of the country to Nicaragua. Regularly scheduled posting will soon follow.

Since my poll on what book to read next did not end with a decisive winner, I read the three books that got votes, in alphabetical order. :)

I read Gilead, Impossible, and Love Among the Walnuts. Gilead was a beautifully written prose style book - a man's reflections to his son as he approaches death. Not exactly airplane reading, but I wanted to stay true to my poll. Impossible was GREAT - a modern day fairytale without the helpless damsel crap and a true love story. And last, Love Among the Walnuts - a kooky story about a young man trying to save the family business from his greedy power hungry uncles, interesting read.

Tiiiiiiiiime is on ourrrrrr side, YES IT IS

2008-12-19T12:40:00.000-05:00

Three instances where time has ticked and tocked onward without heed to me, leading me almost to the brink of insanity.

1. Insanity - I have now been privy to two pregnancy conversations between strangers. It is hard to not hear people talking when their faces are crammed about a foot away from yours on the T and their words are practically going in one of your ears and out the other. One woman was just telling a woman for the first time...and then went on about precautions and day cares and nursing, oh my! The second was a woman on a cell phone describing how active her baby is and oh boy, if he's this active when he gets out, she was gonna be in trouble!

Now, I like kids, but babies...I don't always even feel comfortable with babies. They are little and wrinkled, speechless and defenseless alien beings, and SO fragile. Kids I can wrestle and toss and talk with, I like the interaction that goes beyond feeding, pooping cleaning, and patting. And right now, I don't want a baby. I am in graduate school. I have a part time job. I live in an apartment with my boyfriend. Beyond circumstances not being ideal, I just don't want one right now. Who knows if ever. Yet these overheard conversations make me feel...strange. Sometimes good and happy and maternal, like my clock is saying "Get on it! Make babies!" While of late, it was more like a question, a pause in my forward motion, as if to say, "Will there be time? Has that time passed?" These thoughts worry me, make me a little sad because I can't know the answer and I can only live right now. And right now, I don't want a baby.

2. Organic - My mother gave us an acorn squash about a month ago. The squash is from Hannaford or Shaws and is not organic. It has been sitting on a shelf, along with two others from our farm share, which are organic. We ate the butternut squash the other night and today, I planned on cooking the acorn. Picking it up, the entire outside was coated in mold. Ew, yuck! The third squash, a circus squash, is fine. This situation leads me to wonder - did the organic ones last longer because of their organic-ness? How long should a winter squash stay good for?

3. Picking Sides - This holiday season I will be spending it with my family and my high school friends. My other option was to go home with my man and be with his family. For some reason, I was really hoping to go with him. Then some turmoil started on my mom's side, and it's my dad's birthday, and my distant friend will be home...so I felt it would be giving up to much not to go to NH. Time and distance between our family's does not encourage or foster ease of access or sharing a holiday. He and I have and will continue to work on sharing and balancing time with family...but it is always a give and take.

4. Holiday Fun - Last night was my work Christmas party, but it was also the only night for my man and I t exchange gifts, so we were squeezing OUR holiday time in there too. Our holiday party includes my man's homemade eggnog (SO GOOD yet SO POWERFUL), christmas music, and watching of the National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. This year, I also got Elf from on demand because it is so damn funny. Sadly, time did not allot for us to watch either of the movies and we were SO FULL from libations and food from the party, that we only exchanged gifts and listened to music before he had to get packed to leave today. Sigh. There just is never enough time.

5. Power, as in electricity - My parents were out of power for eight days, my eldest brother and his family for six, and my middle borther and his wife for two days. When I told people this, they were like, "what!?! it's NH, shouldn't they all have generators?" I then had to expound in a 45 minute lecture that NH is not in the middle ages as myth may set it, but is quite modern day and usually does not lose power for more than a few hours tops. Unexpected freezing rain and ice storms can throw any state and its power grid for a loop.

So Many Good Books...So Very Little Time...

2008-12-17T14:51:00.006-05:00

And now, time for a poll! I have a BUNCH of books on queue for this holiday break. Which should I read first? Here's a little break down of some and then I'll read which one wins the poll.

Impossible

Elsewhere

Prep - recommended as a not-to-read book, so how can I NOT read it to formulate my own opinion?

Love Among the Walnuts

Gilead - did you know that before Obama started reading the Twilight series with his daughters, he was reading this book?

(Look for the poll on the left hand column)

did I ever tell you about my second foray for my "books gone wild" section? if anyone noticed, i have been applying this label loosely, and not to pictures of random people's reads. BECAUSE i tried to ask a few people on the T about the books they were reading, thinking the T ride was a perfect time to ask since lots of people read. I approached a middle aged woman and a guy around my age. Both were very embarrassed and very apologetic in their refusals. it discouraged me, but made me realize there are optimal conditions for getting people to agree to my crazy idea. So..."books gone wild" has morphed to incorporate other things for now.

now on to book talking! I found a new teen/YA review site that has really random, not always typical fluff sounding reads - Reading Rants! Here's a few I picked out that sounded good enough to add to our collection at my work:

Janes in Love by Cecil Castellucci and Jim Rugg

The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

What I Saw and How I lied by judy blundell

The Ghosts of Kerfol by Deborah Noyle

Emiko Superstar by Mariko Tamaki and Steve Rolston

Mexican White Boy by Matt de la Pena

Pretty Monsters by Kelly Link

Chains by Laurie Halse

Getting the Girl by Susan Juby

If I stay by Gayle forman

The Knife of Letting Go by Patrick Ness

Cheers y'all and happy holidays.

the Cursive Q

2008-12-13T12:11:00.004-05:00

When is the last time you wrote in cursive? For me, cursive slips out in handwritten letters - something about the...timeless feel of writing a letter brings out the cursive - or sometimes it slips while I write checks, more a time saver than an aesthetic thing.

Now ask yourself, when was the last time you wrote both a capital AND a cursive Q!?!? Or even more mind blowing, a Z? The instances for those letters in my handwritten letters or on a check are never, so I didn't even remember the funny way they look...or how hard it was for me to learn how to write the Q. The capital cursive Q (doesn't that sound like a good band name or book title?) is almost like a crazy mixed up number 2. During one of my classes, a professor had written in cursive, on a board no less, and a Q appeared twice! (That's what you get for being in a stats based class - qualitative and quantitative) Seeing it up there in all its squiggly glory brought back memories. Remember the handy lined paper that was used to learn letter writing, both cursive and print?

Exhibit A -

Sadly, the art of cursive is dying out, being replaced with forms of "non-writing" such as emails, texts, IMs, and probably newer things I've never heard of. Children no longer have to fear mastering the cursive Q or Z. Parents in some articles I've read make it sound like a method of torture to teach cursive writing...puh-LEASE!

Here's to a dying art...

Pimp yo' book cart

2008-12-07T17:42:00.001-05:00

The people over at Unshelved, the librarian comic strip, hold an annual contest to see who can trick out a book cart the best. I'm not sure what they use as qualifiers for "best" because I wouldn't have chosen their winner. I would have chosen 'Mini Me.' What do you think? Check out the winner and the runners up here.

Others

2008-12-06T17:13:00.003-05:00

Rather unexpectedly, you realize there are Others out there. Others who notice you. Or your work. Others that are interacting in your life without you ever knowing unless they let on. And as impossible as it seems, you are a part of these Others' lives too. Not just smiles shared, simple eye contact, or anonymous nice gestures. I'm talking more random occurrences. Occurrences that seem one sided, but spread like a ripple of air through the atmosphere. You realize that life is interconnected...but every once and a while, you get proof that it really is.

Of course I have an example, why else would I be writing this post?

Friday at work I decided it was now-or-never-time to change the bulletin board to a "holiday season" or winter theme. The design I was taking down was one I was so proud of - a fall theme of autumn colors, acorns, and pictures of REAL squirrels (and their scientific data) which I made holding books. A few of my regulars asked why I'd chosen squirrels, but those were the only comments.

As I was taking the squirrels down, a teacher happened to be passing and she exclaimed, "Aw, you're taking the squirrels down! I really loved this board every time I saw it. Squirrels are my favorite animals." I've never spoken to her before, maybe I've passed her in the hallways, and I would never have known she noticed the board. Instead, her path crossed mine at just the right moment.

And now...now she has three of my squirrels above her desk in the history department. Life can be oh so grand.

one she took was this one below - the red bellied squirrel aka Rubrisciurus rubriventer

Nicaragua, Here I Come

2008-12-02T17:02:00.003-05:00

My American Express Card now has a bill for a round trip ticket to Nicaragua on it. (which was only $410, what!?#@?!) During my long luxurious graduate student Christmas break, I and 9 other students will be going to volunteer in Nicaragua for 10 days. I. Cannot. Wait.

During that time we will be working at one central library to help them run an after school program, build up the catalog, develop their collection, and just see if we can bring any new ideas there. Then we'll also be doing a BOOK MOBILE! This is the part that gets me the most excited - bringing books to schools in rural areas to kids who haven't or can't or are waiting to check out books. We'll also be driving to a few different locations to see some very old libraries, ones that still do not let people check out materials, and to some very new libraries, like in peoples homes. Whatever it is, I want to be there and experience it all. All through college I went on "Alternative Spring Breaks" either working with habitat for humanity or other similar type sponsoring organizations connected to my school. Volunteering is one of few ways I get to do everything I enjoy in life - travel, meet new people, do hands on work, and actually REFLECT on what I am doing, why I am doing it and how it impacts me and others.

When I told a few friends about this trip during the holiday, their eyes were huge and their mouths were hanging open. One said, "I didn't know librarians do that kind of stuff..." and continued to mumble off in utter amazement. Yes folks, it's true. Librarians do way way more than just check out books and put books back on the shelf. Librarians are all over this world doing incredible jobs, like -

government that sends a librarian into war zones after some combat training, where he or she would be risking their LIFE!
working for Google over the summer
working for international non-profit organizations to develop new libraries and support people in continuing efforts

Noah Wyle is giving us a bad name, librarians are fo' real guardians and custodians of information. We want to help people have access to knowledge...help people solve their problems...

Sigh.

love my job. I am lucky and blessed.

Not Your Grandma's December 1st

2008-12-01T17:06:00.002-05:00

In Boston today temperatures reached the low 60s. Right now it is currently 50 degrees. Tonight's low will be 36 degrees. Odd considering just yesterday I heard it was supposed to be snowing/sleeting/or down right yucky cold raining tonight.

The challenge of keeping my thermostat low is going to be easier than I expected...

Must Love Books, Debate, and Art

2008-11-30T14:28:00.002-05:00

Before I met my beau and we started a relationship, I used to keep a list. The list was an idea from my dearest friend at a time when I felt lonely, and condemned to that state for life. She suggested I write a list of everything I could ever want in a partner, even down to the minutest details of appearance, interests, and habits. To her, a list like this would give her something to compare men in her life to to what she dreamed and hoped for long term. To me, the list became a wish list...things I wanted in a man, but deep down thought would never be possible. More an ideal that I felt no man would ever live up to.

Oddly, once I created the list, it was like I released myself from those expectations and forgave any man who didn't live up to it. By writing them all out it helped me see that NO ONE, including myself, could be everything to someone. I'm just one person and I am COMPLICATED! There are many different parts of me drawn out by different people, no one person can cover all those bases (because I've been accustomed to thinking in the grey area between right and wrong, yes and no, a small voice does counter that maybe it IS possible. It's not a loud voice though). It took me a few tries to learn that most of those things on the list were not even...any qualities or character traits that I now see as compatible for a long term relationship. For instance, "must love debating and intellectual discussions" was one of my qualities. Intellect, book talk, debating...yes those are great conversational needs. Yet sometimes talking is more about NOTHING and small inane details and laughing. Every conversation does not have to be an epic exploration of the meaning of existence. At the time...I thought if my lover did not agree then the relationship was doomed. Ha! Who was I? I wish I could find the original list I kept...I think it is in a missing journal.

My beau unknowingly challenges me to redefine "the list,"to examine what I TRULY want and need from a partner. And so far, I've liked my edits and love what I learn. He meets and acceeds any expectations I had or could have imagined on that list. Though if I could find the list, he probably meets more than 75% of what is on it. My friend would tell me that is a keeper percentile. :)

Books are luxury items? Really?!?

2008-11-12T09:45:00.005-05:00

The NYT had an article on booksellers and publishers yesterday (or was it Monday now...?). Like everyone in the production business, they too are feeling the fear that this economy has shrouded the nation in. Are people going to stop buying books?, they ponder (so types the lender of books, the under miner of empires)

What do you think - is buying a book a luxury? Is having a home library (no matter the size) a luxury? How important is it to you to own books?

And more importantly, do you let people borrow your books?

I was in the habit of lending my books out without a thought...Until I started seeing them turn up on that person's bookshelf! The person would say something like, "Oh, just there until I read it." But seeing the book all cozy and comfy on their shelf, blending in with all the person's other books, a sense of dread would slowly begin creeping into my brain. My sister-in-law (after being a player in a scene like this with me) bought me some stick on name plates to identify my books, but that did NOT stop people from not returning them. "Timely" is so subjective that saying it is a wasted breath. I might as well have started putting due dates in the books! But then...then people would know! People would feel an intimation that I might not trust them or think them responsible, so I made a system - when someone takes a book, I make a slip of paper with the name of the person who took it, the date, and the book title and slide it between the books where the book belongs.

My home library.

Kindness of strangers

2008-11-09T16:35:00.003-05:00

I was bringing out the recycling earlier, two boxes balanced precariously one atop the other. To put the recycling on the sidewalk, I had to balance the boxes on my leg with one hand while simultaneously trying to open the latch on the gate with the other.

A young woman (probably close to my age) was just passing with her dog. She was also talking on a cell phone. She stopped and asked me if I needed any help. I said thank you, but I'm ok. She walked on and I managed to open the gate.

This was the first time in a long time I can remember a stranger offering to help me.

Just One More - Rhizome Collective

2008-11-07T11:53:00.005-05:00

A few months back I attended a community discussion on urban sustainability. The discussion featured a group from Texas who have done some pretty innovative thinking and designing in an urban setting. One man came from the group and did a brief over view of what the group has done in their community through their organization called the Rhizome Collective. One aspect of their mission is to hold trainings and one they've developed is R.U.S.T or Radical Urban Sustainability Training.

The man talked about some ideas I've heard of (aquaculture farming, grey water) and some ideas I had not thought of (recycled fridge solar power water heater, natural home water cleaning system, duckweed as food). But also of interest to me were a few additional factors - 1) the CROWD of people my age there aka other people who care about the same issues,
2) networking, and 3) meeting the Heartbeat Collective group, based in my community.

There was also one crucial point I left this discussion considering - the time issue. The time to act, try new methods of alternative energy sources, to create new ways of living is not later, it is NOW. Why? Because right now we still have back up - we still have some of those almost gone un-renewable resources. We still have time to try and fail. But soon that luxury, the "safety net," will be gone. This was an inspiring (yes, a little daunting too) message to take away from this meeting. Especially knowing that there are groups like the two I mentioned above and many more trying out these "radical" and "alternative" ways of living and producing means of survival. Oh! There was also a partnership who had bought an old store in a neighboring town and were turning it into a totally green and eco-model home to be used as a community learning and gathering center. Check out more about it here.

Just In

2008-11-06T14:12:00.002-05:00

Just finished reading two of the most WONDERFUL Young Adult novels. One is a full on graphic novel and the other is quite literally the literature version of mixed media painting.

The Invention of Hugo Cabret and Coraline. Read them both in one night only so they are not time consuming. The graphics in each are both very different styles, but both add a level of engaging with that text that enhances the story. There was one picture in the Hugo book that took my breath away with its ability to capture the feeling in a shared look between two characters. The author was also the illustrator/media includer and the drawings are simple, black and white pencil drawings...even more incredible for the depth they contain.

The images in Coraline are full color and range from beautiful and flowing to jagged and disturbing. All integral to certain affects/effects/and situations happening in the story. Both are MUST READS!

Yes We Can!!!

2008-11-05T12:05:00.002-05:00

The halls of the girls school are ringing with excited whispers, sudden yells, and almost tears. Teachers cluster whenever they pass other teachers, holding harried celebrations and discussions of this moment in history. People cry openly. People hug and cheer and are just giddy.

When was the last time people cried in happiness at the results of a presidential election? Or in public? Enmass?

So many walls were broken down with last night's victory of Barack Obama...he was right as was everyone who has said that last night and all that led up to it, THAT was change. And what a great thought to know there is only more to come.

Obama is stepping into a mess of an America, but with contiued support and enthusiasm, things will only continue to get better.

LIVE - election 2008

2008-11-04T21:42:00.000-05:00

They are already trying to call the race...

While I love that they are predicting my man, I do not like that they are doing this so early. It's like, Barack gets Ohio and the whole ship goes down for McCain.

As the guy went over the whole country, state by state, he assigned some to McCain with this total tone of pity like, well, he might not really win, but c'mon, let's give 'em something!!

Wow...

LIVE - election coverage - 2008

2008-11-04T21:18:00.001-05:00

The SENATE race is at 52 democrats vs. 30 something republicans!!! This means only 8 more seats to deny any filibusters...YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

LIVE - election coverage - 2008

2008-11-04T21:00:00.002-05:00

GIVE IT UP ALREADY, NADER!
This is JUST NOT YOUR TIME!!
You're beginning to seem like a lunatic...a zealot...and not a man who wants to break down the two party system. There is a time and a place, a reason and a season...please step back and wait for yours.

Ironically, NH and MA had 1% of their votes go to Nader...who brought THOSE idiots? Not me.

LIVE - election coverage - 2008

2008-11-04T20:47:00.004-05:00

Watching MSNBC, a commentator tells another commentator to "cut to the nut" of the topic. Wow. Eloquently stated.
CNN one minute says it is still too early to call Pennsylvania. Literally, one minute later, they are showing the "win" screen and saying Obama has won. A few screens later, they show "Obama wins Pennsylvania" and in smaller letters underneath "CNN projection." C'mon people! Let's not have more screwed up election coverage!
NH BARACKED THE VOTE!!! (though I am still waiting to see how McCain's home state of Arizona is going to swing since today at about 11am it was grey, baby grey...)

Who Brought the Idiot?

2008-11-03T11:25:00.002-05:00

In class, the professor started to dismiss class a half hour early. Somehow he thought class ended at 5pm when it really ended at 5:30pm. As people began putting their stuff into bags, and he went on about not covering everything, without even thinking, I said, "We still have time. Class ends at 5:30."

The professor looked at the clock, confused. Everyone else stared silently ahead or looked at me with wide eyed disbelief. You what!?!? You want to stay here when we could have LEFT?!?! The professor bumblingly went on for another fifteen minutes while I sat there, my ears burning from embarrassment.

I'm still the over achieving little girl I was in grade school...drat.

Hope is not a Four Letter Word

2008-11-03T10:49:00.004-05:00

This book and this author have helped me to discover that I and my ideas are indeed American, political, and PATRIOTIC. Why has it taken me this long to realize it? Why have I felt like a social minority most of the time, unable to feel like most of the country would even care about the same things? Oh, I don't know, maybe because there was a nut in office for eight years who made monumental decisions reflecting the exact opposite of anything I would hope or dream of for this country...yeah, that could most likely be a factor. But now...the end is in sight and the time has come for a new person to step in that role and hold the future of America in his hands (it will be nice one day when I can REALLY say his or her hands...next time Hilary, next time).

America stands on the brink of a new era and a new chance for change. I feel vulnerable, naive, and even a bit mushy for placing so much hope on this election, on one man, because the last time I did, my hopes were dashed along with most other Americans and their ideas of the American dream, justice and democracy. Some how, out of the ashes and ruin of the past two election processes my hope rose again and I cast my fears aside to try to change the future fate of this country. My NH absentee ballot arrived at my door last week and I practiced my right to elect the head of this government.

Barack Obama, crazy illegal aunt and all, you got my vote. Joe Biden, you'd be a good stand in so I have full confidence in you as the second in command of this country. Please fellas, PLEASE show this country the possibilities we can achieve when we are UNITED. Please show other countries the hope, the innovation, and the forward thinking that America can have once again. Unlike the goon and his entourage that are leaving office, who took 9.11. and used it to drive our company so far into fear that we have nothing else left, please PLEASE use this critical point in time to show the world just how wonderful America can be. We are on the verge of disaster and either we can keep heading for it or we can start to try something new.

I am tired of being part of a fear campaign. I am tired of feeling disconnected from the rest of the world. And most of all, I am tired of feeling apathetic, hopeless, and like there is NOTHING we can do to fix the mess we are in. I want to hear messages that inspire me and others to think of NEW WAYS of trying even harder to fix this planet and to fix this country. As Friedman says, it is not about Homeland Security and it's rainbow color alerts, we need more than the focus on "the war on terrorism." America, let's shift to

CODE GREEN.

By taking the lead, by living the example of how to begin solving this generations' biggest challenge, America would be "creating the tools, systems, energy sources, and ethics that will allow the planet to grow in cleaner and more sustainable ways" for the world to see and follow. America has set the example thus far and look what it has gotten us - a world full of other countries attempting to reach a middle class American lifestyle, but with no regard to the costs to the planet. Just. Like. Us. But this does NOT have to be the legacy America leaves. There is time and a chance to START NOW so that what happened on 9.11. and in all the days between can be leading us somewhere and not leaving us at a stand still...as other countries move on and forward and ahead. I want our country to matter to us and to the world again, to part of "restoring and revitalizing something [I] cherish but feel is being degraded" (Friedman, 9).

No matter who steps into the white house after tomorrow, the job on their desk blotter is one of enormous proportions. The new president, full of new ideas and new methods for change, will be faced with a MESS to fix before any new ideas can even happen. Let this not defeat him, or defeat the American people and their support of him, or lead everyone into apathy once more. Instead, we need to continue the momentum and hope and enthusiasm that has brought us to tomorrow's election day and keep it going to support our new President and to bring new life to this country. We need to hold him accountable as we have not held others in the past, and we need to be a part of creating this new change in every way we can.

Of God and Google

2008-10-29T17:00:00.000-05:00

Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson is a...haunting book. Her descriptions of ordinary things reveals something almost...supernatural about them, and just how much significance actions and things can hold. How everything sane can hang on the edge of insanity. Calm with disorder. Nature and civilization. I got swept up in the language at certain points, even though I was also a little lost at the same time. Her prose is very poetic, beautiful, but sometimes strays so far into lucidity that I couldn't remember our point of departure.

Here is one interesting passage I'll share -

"Cain killed Abel...a story so sad even God took notice of it. Maybe it was not the sadness of the story, since worse things have happened every minute since that day, but its novelty that God found striking. In the newness of the world God was young, and grew indignant over the slightest things. In the newness of the world God had perhaps not realized the ramifications of certain Laws..."

Setting aside the cliche of God being a figure and a person, more the Catholic idea of God, what I find so interesting about this perspective is thinking of God...as new. As someone who could make mistakes. Someone learning the ropes. Someone prone to tempers or joys or other emotions that might influence actions in a split second, not someone who always thinks everything out. If I fully believed in a Catholic image/idea of God this notion might help explain a lot of things about the Bible and Gods actions in the early days.

Close to Godliness in the world of information search and retrieval is Google. Reading over a Wired Magazine I came across some awesome search features I didn't know about and thought, hey, maybe you don't either!

* to find sites in the government or education sector, add :gov or :edu to the end of your search terms

* Google will convert currency and units. their example - "12 par secs in light years."

* Enter a ticker symbol to check out how your stocks are doing

* Limit your search to file type by adding :PPT or :doc to the end of your search term

Google just keeps getting better and better. You GO Google. You go...

Food - its not just what's for dinner...

2008-10-29T08:29:00.005-05:00

It seems the New York Times Magazine is not the only one noticing the buzz about food and food policies. The geeks over at Wired are too! I cannot tell you how...excited I am to see this issue cross boundaries and become the topic of discussion in as many different forums as possible. I've yet to make my way through the Wired issue, but I have gone through the NYT magazine and was...enlightened by some things I read (the young up and comingpeople section), amused by others (the spotlight on a small restaurant that makes mac n' cheese pancakes), and frustrated by few (damn you, Doug Fine! how dare he make it into the NYT magazine before me$#@@# the guy CAN'T WRITE!).

But I've seen food and food politics and sustainability issues popping up everywhere, not just "on the cover of a magazine" (thanks, Madonna). At my job, one of my duties is to cover new books with a protective jacket and stamp them with identifying stamps. A few new books we've received of late are Food Politics by Marion Nestle, Chew on This by Eric Schlosser and Charles Wilson, which is a young adult version of Fast Food Nation, and finally, this book which I began last night and almost could NOT put down -

This guy is making a LOT of sense and every post from this one forward miiight just have to be on points from this book as I read on. For a long time now, I have felt like a miscreant of sorts, someone un-American and un-patriotic. This book has opened a window on my soul and illuminated me as none of those things. What I hope for, what I long for, and the possibilities I dream of for this country are ALL patriotic are ALL American. As my posts go on, I'll explore this idea a little more in depth.

For now, I will continue to enjoy the rise of awareness in the importance of food and our connection to food production and I will keep spreading the word.

E - B - S - C - O

2008-10-28T08:32:00.006-05:00

Through my college, I have access to some awesome databases. Literally, a world of information is at my fingertips...well, if I can use the right search terms to find it. One of my favorite databases is Academic Search Complete. The interface is easy to look at and intuitively set up to find what goes where and how one performs a search. One of my professors demoed this in class and it was very extensive with results. But one thing the professor didn't comment on was a word on the right in that picture, with a box to check it for a...reaction. Do you see it? It's like a BIG RED BUTTON SCREAMING to be clicked. Explode.

Who says searching databases can't be exciting? and have DANGEROUS options? When I'm feeling lucky, I don't go search on Google, I click the "explode" box in the Ebsco Host database.
Try it sometime. I dare you.

D is for Destruction

2008-10-26T15:14:00.003-05:00

I almost started a grease fire last night. A beer can chicken on a cookie sheet with no sides = bad idea. Juicy goodness from the chicken leaked all over the bottom of the stove and started burning to a toxic crisp. The fire alarms went, the house was in smoke, and we had to open every single window and door to air out the apartment. Thank goodness Jason never got around to putting the winter plastic up yet. (aside - we're still on no intentional heat! the thermostat is set to come on at 60 so the pipes won't burst and it has automatically come on twice. there's no lower I can set it or turn it off, so I still feel we are making a choice)

Luckily the chicken was safe and tasty and nothing was damaged. We had a side of chips, gravy and dressing with that - only the BEST food ever. It's a plate of thanksgiving dinner all-in-one. We learned about it on the way to Newfoundland and had it about 16 billion times while there. Try it and you will not regret it.

Cataloging

2008-10-24T13:37:00.005-05:00

Of which I learned two steps of how-to-do today!

I learned how to delete a MARC record and I learned how to reclassify a book's holding code. I know, big deal right? BUT IT IS! These are the essential duties of a librarian that no outsider would ever guess as part of a librarian's job. I am finally being initiated, slowly but surely. When I deleted a record, I deleted the book from our collection. Then the physical book also has to removed from our space so I get to stamp them all with a big rubber stamp that says

So cool.

What also makes it cooler is that in the cataloging program we use, there is a button that looks like this -

The button states it "reveals spaces" when I place the cursor on it, but what that means...I have yet to find out. Moi ah ah ah ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Books Books and more Books

2008-10-24T09:35:00.003-05:00

Don't know what to read next?

Try this handy dandy site to see what else is out there that is similar to the last book you read, similar to your favorite book of all time, or similar to that title someone randomly told you and you never read.

This site is free and it ROCKS.

A is for Awesome

2008-10-23T23:56:00.002-05:00

Awesome = my job = Wednesday of this week

Wednesday was community curriculum day at the school. A topic was chosen, in this case Campaign '08, and the whole school (faculty + staff included) participated in assemblies and workshops and discussions on that topic. First guest speaker was Karen Sautter, the Northeast Regional Vice Chair for the Young Republicans. The last guest speaker was Vanessa Kerry, Board Member for the Young Democrats and John Kerry's daughter. What two very interesting and opposing view points, speech styles, and ideas these two people expressed. The girls were all eager to ask as many questions as they could and I was shocked at the depth and intelligence of the questions. How many people can say they see REAL LEARNING and CRITICAL THINKING happening at their school? I hope many people, but my heart tells me probably not many.

At one point, Karen Sautter was asked about her stance on abortion. She said she is pro-life as is McCain because as a party, the Republicans have decided that the unborn baby needs an advocate and that an unborn child's rights need to be heard and represented. She also said that women who have had abortions suffer more health problems later. I was surprised at this statement and surprised that she did not go on to qualify where that statement came from. Just threw it out there, a statement of fear to a crowd of impressionable young women. I attempted to ask her to back this statement up during the Q & A session, but unfortunately was not called on. Later, when Vanessa Kerry was up, I again attempted to ask her since she also has a medical degree, but again, my attempts were thwarted when the session ran out of time. I was so frustrated to not have been able to discuss that statement further with the entire student body. On my own, I talked to Vanessa and she said that statement could be taken to mean ANYTHING, but at its face value, it was not true. Women do not suffer any permanent side effects or later health problems after having a safe, legal, and doctor administered abortion. To settle this, I've contacted Karen via facebook since this was the only means I could find of contacting her directly. We'll see what she says in response.

Sandwiched between the two parties were a bunch of workshops. I sat in on "Campaign 2008 and the New Media." Let me tell you, I felt like a proud parent listening to these girls answer some questions on the effects of YouTube and other new media. They were saying things I WOULD say. I just sat back and basked in the hope I felt these young women represent for the future.

Live Post - Red Sox and why TBS Sucks!

2008-10-18T20:58:00.004-05:00

As we move into the fifth inning of game 6 of the MLB playoffs TBS focuses for about 30 seconds on a patch of grass, which is a LOT of time in tv time sense. It was not even a lush, soft looking patch of grass. And it wasn't really a patch either. It was a strip of grass that was thin and patchy.

Thanks TBS, thanks a lot.

Live Post - RED SOX and why TBS SUCKS!

2008-10-18T19:50:00.003-05:00

Not only has the station shown itself incompetent in transmitting this crucial series game, but their commentators have also shown themselves to be in competent.

For the past 5 games we have had to sit and listen to dear old Caray and Orsillo go on and on, very subtlely I'll give them that, but never the less they go on and on about the Sox injuries and how the Sox are having a hard time doing this or that and just seem to be all and all downers on the Sox.

Not only that, we've had to listen to them misname the players, say Youkillis is on first when he was on third and other such nonsense.

Really, could New England baseball fans expect anything BETTER from an outside station that does not know our guys the way WE know our guys? From a station that only comes into the Sox family in the last 7 games of their career and have not gripped their fists in anxiety, sat on the edge of their seats, or jumped up and down for joy in the stands of Fenway as this team has won their way into the playoffs once again?

Sigh.

Gawd I despise the...apathy and acceptance the American people have acrewed to get us to this place, this place where when I am angry or a whole REGION OF THE COUNTRY is upset they have no options to do ANYTHING?@?! Or maybe they don't even feel like they CAN or CARE!$#@?@# They just sit in front of the television, watching a stupid sitcom, hoping and praying that the game they are ANXIOUSLY awaiting will eventually come on...

Live Post - RED SOX and Why TBS SUCKS!

2008-10-18T19:37:00.005-05:00

Jason and I rushed home to see the Sox game from a day out in the sun and chill of a beautiful fall day on the Charles. And what did we find? Did we find the brightly lit garish white canopy of the Tampa Bay indoor field?

NO!

No, we did not. We came home, turned on the television and found a sitcom on with a message streaming on the bottom saying oops, sorry, technical problem. No sox for you.

People. This was the most ridiculous thing for anyone to have to encounter in such a situation. This is MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!! This is GAME SIX of the PLAYOFFS!! And who did the stupid MLB network choose to host this most precious cornerstone of New England fall season family fun life? A local network? A trusted station we know that always works?

NO!

No, they did not. They chose TBS which is a mutually exclusive deal so NO OTHER STATION gets to play the game. Not that I want death, destruction or chaos, but I hope that for the first half hour that the game was not showing on TBS that people all over New England were RIOTING! to show their displeasure at this station.

Because really, in this case, the case of Jason and I sitting at home trying to watch a baseball game we've been waiting to see, what other way can we choose to express our anger and frustration that would have any kind of effect on the nation? on TBS? Nothing.

All I could think of and Jason supported was to blog about it. But how much can this do? And will this stop the MLB network from choosing an elitest network next year?

Probably not.

Fall Is A Good Time for Mysteries...

2008-10-15T15:20:00.005-05:00

At work I've made two displays this month, well, three actually - two for mysteries and one for the Halloween/Scary themes of Fall. There are two mystery sections because there are two schools here, the Upper school which is grades 9-12th and the Lower School which is grades 5-8th. The library itself is three floors, so each school has its own floor of fiction books with one floor for dear Dewey Decimal books.

As I went through the catalog to make the mystery displays, I kept finding books that sounded so darn interesting and readable. Just from this search I added three more books to my already towering stack of books-to-read.

Here are a few titles you might want to check out:

The Drowning Tree by Carol Goodman

Good and Dead by Jane Langton

Cat Among the Pigeons by Agatha Christy

The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon

The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst

Death By Chick Lit by Lynn Harris

No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

Something Rotten by Alan Grantz

Spiderweb For Two by Elizabeth Enright (this lady is a CLASSIC)

Shooting Stars Everywhere by Martina Wildner

Gilda Joyce: Psychic Investigator by Jennifer Allison

Last month I made displays for memoirs, non-fiction, and classics. I noticed MANY of the books I'd put out were checked out. This month I'd like to monitor the books I've selected and see if the display increases their usage. However, with all this privacy protection and avoidance of cow towing to the Patriot Act, I'm not sure we track those things. Looks like I have a little mystery to solve.

I'm on the case and will report my findings...